You know what looks very strange?

A pistachio out of its shell. I found one in my trail mix from Trader Joe's today. I thought it was a peanut gone bad. But no, it was a delicious pistachio!

Drove my chevy to the leavee, but the leavee had left.

I love to travel. I love to see different parts of the world. I haven't been to nearly enough places at this point in my life and sometimes feel stifled by my career path. If I want to travel, shouldn't I have picked a job like Hotel Reviewer or Travel Channel Correspondant? The thing about traveling that I love is meeting different people. You can tell a lot about the area by the people that populate it. Words that come to mind:
Peru: simple, loving, family-oriented, know how to party.
Alaska: hard-working, strong, enduring, outdoors, know how to get liquored up.
Virginia: career-minded, packed cities, restuarants, good shows, know how to drink people under the table

Which of these places best describes me? Good question. Clearly I know how to drink people under the table--I have in mind a certain incident in '94 that ended with a victory spent with my head in the trashcan. But I digress.

The point of all this rambling is not to see which place describes you. Although I do think it would be interesting to hear which words people associate with the place they live (i.e. Rexburg, SLC, Cali, Massachusetts).

The point of this rambling is to say that I hate moving all around. I always miss people I've met. I suppose that if I stayed in one place my entire life, people would be leaving me rather than me leaving them. I'd rather be the leavee. Not the levee. The Leavee.

Dass It.

Alright.

I'm taking a break.

6 years ago I dated this guy. We'll call him Mike. Mike was such a great guy. He understood women, and more importantly he understood me. We had interesting and intellectual conversations, shared in the joys of art, we even painted the beer shack together. I still carry many memories with me today and habits established while dating him. One of the habits I acquired has been plaguing me since it's conception and I am going to end it today.

You see, I was not the only one who loved Mike. My roommates also loved Mike. Not just because he played a mean Metallica cover on his gee-tar, but because every week he would grace us with a magical magazine full of wonderment and urbanlore. What was the name of this magazine? US Weekly. At first we thought it was called U.S. Weekly, like it was an actual legitimate magazine. However, we quickly learned the ways of the mag and looked forward to its delivery by Mike every week. We craved the gossip. We had to know What Did Jessica's Wedding Dress Look Like? And Why Was Ally McBeal So Damned Skinny? We grew to love US Weekly and thought nothing of its possible repercussions to the subject matter.

I have passed this love of the magazine to other members of my family and have now made celebrity gossip Text Worthy and Gchat Worthy. My friends and I talk about Lindsay Lohan, Jessica Sampson, and Britney Spears like they are old friends of ours from high school or something. I thought I was making progress because I stopped buying the magazine. But I really was just moving to electronic form and have moved on to more dangerous items -- celebrity gossip blogs. I can't see anything good coming out of my knowledge of this industry, so I am going to quit cold turkey. I would also like to strongly encourage others to do the same.

Why this new found need to abhore all things celeb? It is due to recent events in the lives of celebutants such as Brit Brit and Lindsay. These girls are in way over their heads and in a mixed-up place of druglandia. They are trying to get help and the papparazzi won't leave them alone. It is ruining their lives, so they can't even utilize the anonymity of AA or other rehab places. I honestly feel guilty for contributing to their problems. So I am going to stop reading the online sites. I will stop reading magazines. I will start caring about more than Brangelina and Who is Justin Timberlake Dating.

Promise.

You may be taking my pillow, but you will not take my dignity.

Last night I realized that my pillowcase was missing. How odd to find your pillowcase missing when it was just on your pillow the night before. Until I remembered...that pillow was being used by my Friend. I think my Friend took my pillowcase!! I only think that because last night I realized that I was also missing the picture of me and Friend that I showed him in my photo album.

What kind of person takes a picture, I know. But more importantly, what kind of Friend takes a pillowcase?

Thievery never was happiness.

I still want us to be friends

That never works.

You can't be friends with someone after someone feels rejection.

All that phrase does is prolong the inevitable non-friend-status that you are surely bound for. And then, in that period of waning affection, while you are Friends, you get jealous of each others assumed progression that is usually a front to show the other person what they are missing out on. And while you are Friends, you get jealous of each others dates, whether they are with nerds or without. And while you are Friends, you make test calls to your phone every so often to make sure it is working. Because, man, it sure hasn't rang in awhile.

While you are Friends, there is one big blow-up that always ends the Friendship. If you haven't had The Blow-up, it will come. Just be patient.

Once The Blow-up has happened, you are free of all prior bonds and chains of Friendship. It is time to move onto other Friendships that will, in turn, end up in Another Blow-up.

Happy whateverday

I am so grateful to the leaders of this country, without whom we would not be afforded the luxury of having a holiday on Monday. Yes, I totally support my government. My support increases exponentially as the amount of federal holidays grow in number. I think more people would be happier if we were given 2 holidays a month in which to take work off and go on vacations.

Because this extended weekend is so presidential, I will be hanging around DC scoping out museums and eating at restaurants that serve sandwiches like The Republican and The Democrat. (Clearly The Republican sandwich has roast beef, tomatoes, and lettuce, while The Democrat is filled with fat, accusation, and a healthy spread of ridicule.)

I also might be taking a trip to the beach this weekend. The beach in the winter is gray, cloudy, windy and basically a vast landscape of deserted sand pails and umbrellas. Something about how depressing it seems really draws me to it. I should probably bring some Sylvia Plath or Poe. And be sure to leave all cares and worries at the Bay Bridge(if I can conquer my fear of bridges long enough to traverse the Chesapeake. Ahhh!)

Aging gracefully

I miss my mac.

I have only been using my laptop for the past 2 weeks to listen to music. I open it up in the morning, play music for about 1/2 hour while I get ready, then I close it up and push it under my bed. I feel like I am giving it the silent treatment, even though it did nothing wrong to me. In fact, my mac has provided me nothing but love and affection. But we do not have internet in our house yet. Is that all I use the computer for? Internet and music? How boring! Does anyone know of other fun things I should take advantage of while in the good presence of my mac?

Well, perhaps due to lack of mac interaction, I have started to watch more movies. I took the plunge and joined Netflix. And I haven't looked back. I have only been a member for a week, but so far this exclusive club is proving extremely beneficial. I have watched Amores Perros, City of God, and have The Devil's Backbone left. My next movie that should be in the mail is New York Doll. There is a constant flow of movies being imported and exported on Jefferson Street. I really haven't been to a movie store in about 2 months. It is always so inconvenient and there are always an exuberant amount of late fees associated with my rentals. So I think we are living in time where we will witness the decline of the movie rental store. I say in about 10 years, rental stores will cease to exist. The only place they will still be in existance is small towns and they will all be Movie Galleries or gas station selections of about 30 hot hot movies.

I'm pretty sure it will be a cool feeling to tell your grandkids someday that you were alive when there were stores lining the streets full of movies you could borrow for 3 days, both "DVD" and "VHS" (as if that will mean anything to them).
I think I will feel pretty cool to also tell them I had a pager in 8th grade. And that I used to want my own phone line just for my room with a see-thru phone that lit up when it rang. Or that I used to drive a gasoline car. Or it used to be cool to tell "your mom" jokes. Though, I hope those never go out of style.

Fridays=Gods day

Remember that feeling you used to get waking up Christmas morning? Or waking up to the smell of pancakes and biscuts cooking in the kitchen? Well I have found a moment that recreates that magic. And it happens every week.

It is Friday.

Every Friday I wake up knowing that I will have the next 2 days to myself! Not only that, but I get to wear jeans! And if thats not enough, every Friday we have breakfast here at work.

Yes, thats right, I am an elite member of The Breakfast Club here in the office. There are about 15 people who join in and we all rotate the breakfast duties. Here is what I've had since joining:
1. Bagels
2. Coffee Cakes, Etenmenns --yes, nothing but the best of the supermarket for us.
3. Veggie Quiche
4. Scones (homemade! cranberry and cinnamon!)
5. Fruit Salad
6. And today, mmmmm...Mexi Breakfast Casserole. Mexxerole. Eggs, Tortillas, peppers, oh my! Its so good! Nothing like starting your day with some spice!

Every last Friday of the month, we get a catered breakfast that usually consists of breakfast sandwiches, pastries, fruit, and juice. It's delish. And everyone sits in the conference room avoiding work for about an hour. Fabulous.

Fridays are also normally replete with meetings of an unaccomplishing nature and emails shot back and forth between coworkers.
Who doesn't love a friday?

Chilly con carne.

It is cold.

It is so cold that two mice had to jump start a cockroach to get to work.

It is so cold that the words that come out of my mouth are frozen and you have to fry them to hear what I said.

I have been a bundley mess lately. I wear a long sleeve shirt, layered under a thick sweater. Then I put on a jacket. Over the jacket I wear my long wool coat. Over the coat I put a big thick scarf that I wrap tightly around my neck and face. I wear a big, thick and snuggly hat. I wear two pair of socks. I wear big, clumsy boots. I wear very thick and warm gloves. I put this uniform on when I leave my house and then again when I leave the office. And I am sick of my winter uniform.



I had no intention of looking like a marshmallow this winter. I really wanted to be cute, savvy, stylish city girl in her smart coat and heeled shoes. But Cold Gnomie is beating Stylish Gnomie to the ground. *Sigh.

This morning on the metro, I was standing akwardly trying to take off my gloves and find my backpack among all the fluff and a man tapped me on the shoulder. I was startled because there is never personal contact or recognition on the metro for me. I turned around and there stood a man, gesturing towards the open seat he just vacated. Someone gave up their seat for me. Someone gave up their seat for me. I was touched. Until the thought occured to me that perhaps he gave me his seat because I looked large with child. *Double sigh. Atleast me and my baby are warm.

I asked for the news, not the weather

I try to get my news from different sources. One should never rely on a single news source to get an accurate portrayal of any situation.
So I read newspapers. The Washington Post, the Times if I can get my hands on a copy, and the local paper if available.
I read magazines. The Economist is a good one and sometimes I read Time magazine.
My main source of news comes from the internet, where I spend most of my time these days. I peruse cnn every day, but its always business as usual there. So I check the bbc and click on all the areas of the world. I really enjoy that feature. I have gotten into the habit of checking on the daily happenings of Ireland.

Oh, Ireland. The land of leprechauns. The land of "man who wouldn't leave his house that was falling apart". The land that my sister claims (she's a redhead, I guess they need an identity, too).

Ireland always has interesting stories that make me wonder what actually "happens" there. I mean, the silliest things make the news. Nothing really political, nothing about celebrities adopting third world babbies, nothing about global warming trends. Just straight up news.

Todays headliner was written about the seizing of 49 pitbulls to prevent attacks on humans. I really need to pay the ole country a little visit. I think it would be pretty easy, considering I could probably stay with some of my sisters relatives.

***WARNING***Do not eat while reading this post. Unless you have a stomach of iron. Which, if you do, is really cool.

Slaughterhouse process
The slaughterhouse process differs by species and region, and may be controlled by religious laws such as Kosher and halal laws. A typical procedure follows:


1. A steer restrained for stunning just prior to slaughter.Animals are received by truck or rail from a ranch, farm, or feedlot.
2. Animals are herded into holding pens (see Judas goat).
3. Animals receive a preslaughter inspection.
4. Animals are usually rendered unconscious by stunning or "knocking" using various methods including the use of a captive bolt pistol, breaking the animal's neck or applying an electric shock to the animal's temples. Livestock are also rendered unconscious by CO2 stunning and by live fire (used at the small locker plants). (This step is prohibited under strict application of Halal and Kashrut codes.)
5. Animals are hung by one hind leg on the processing line.
6. A main artery is cut and the animal's blood drains, causing death. (Alternatively, this step can be carried out on a metal tray before the animal is hung on the processing line, as is common in halal and kashrut butchering)
7. The hide/skin/plumage is removed.
8. The carcass is inspected and graded by a government inspector for quality and safety. (This inspection is performed by the Food Safety Inspection Service in the US, and CFIA in Canada.)
9. The internal organs are removed and inspected for internal parasites. The viscera (guts) are separated for inspection from the pluck (heart and lungs), livers are separated for inspection, tongues are dropped or removed from the head and the head is sent down the line on the head hooks or head racks for inspection.
10. The carcass is cut apart and the body parts separated.
11. Meat cuts are quickly chilled to prevent the growth of microorganisms and to reduce meat deterioration while the meat awaits distribution.
12. The remaining carcass may be further processed to extract any residual traces of meat, usually termed mechanically recovered meat, which may be used for human or animal consumption.
13. Waste materials, such as lard or tallow, are sent to a rendering plant.
14. The waste water generated by the slaughtering process and the cleaning of the slaughter house is treated in a waste water treatment plant.
15. The meat is transported to distribution centers that distribute to local retail markets.


Ew.

Eating pims and wearing wellies

In the BBC today, they revealed a proposal being putforth to start teaching "Britishness" to kids in the UK. They left room for comments after the article. Most were very dry and dull. Comments such as "What is Britishness anyway?" and "What a silly idea" and "needs to be clearly defined before teaching".

Until the very end of the comments section. Get a load of this guy:

"Britishness": Getting drunk and kicking peoples head in while shouting Eng-ga-land! Eng-ga-land! Eng-ga-land! and being miserable 24/7s while complaining about anything and everything.

Heh heh.

I dedicate my 100th post to the Evans Family. Especially Elizabeth.

Meet AJ and Jen.

They've come a long way since their high school sweetheart days.
This was Jen and AJ at church last month:
Just kidding. It is them in seminary years and years ago. As you can see, neither AJ nor Jen are much of morning people.
Which brings me to my next point. How are my sister and her husband supposed to handle the baby they just had today!!!!
The funniest thing about the birth of Elizabeth, besides the fact that her feet were sticking straight up when she was taken out of Jen's belly, as if to say "Here I am, let's get this thing going!", was that Jenny was late to her own scheduled birth! Elizabeth was probably thinking her mommy was so silly, maybe thats why she was so punctual and prepared for removal from the womb.
Well, Elizabeth was born around 11 AM on 1-23-07! A healthy 7 lbs., 2 ounces and 20 inches long! And she surprised us all with her full head of dark hair! She is so beautiful and healthy, as is her mommy.
Now for the fun.

Who do you think Elizabeth looks like?
AJ?


Or Jenny?


Here is Elizabeth!!!

Preciosa!


Naptime already.


Mommy and baby E.


Love the mohawk. What a stylish baby!

Happy Birthday, Elizabeth! We love you!!

Proud to be American.

I was at the grocery store this afternoon and overheard this conversation between a small child and his mother.
Mother throws a jar of marshmallow creme in the cart.
Boy: Mom, what's that?
Mother: It's marshmallows.
Boy: Yeah, but whats that stuff at the bottom?
Mother: Uhh...that liquid stuff? I...well...I guess it's corn syrup. Yeah, it's corn syrup.
Boy: Well, what is it?
Mother: What is what?
Boy: What is a marshmallow?
Mother: Well...it's like...I think it's...I don't know. I know it's creamed something.

Creamed Something.

LADY, IT'S NOT CREAMED SOMETHING, IT IS GRINDED UP HORSE HOOVES MIXED WITH CORNSYRUP AND SUGAR!!!!

This is whats wrong with society today. Nobody knows what they are eating, they just know that it tastes amazing and are passing this biased knowledge onto their progeny. Ugh. Coming from the girl who grew up on a steady diet of velveeta and chipped beef sandwiches.

Let's cry it out together

Today was a long day. I left my house at 7:15 and didn't return until 6:45. I only logged in 7 hours of work, but was actually gone for a total of 11.5. Please, God, let these next two weeks pass like vacation weeks so I maintain partial senility.
When I got home, I found the house pleasantly empty. So I heated up some leftover curry and couscous and plopped down on the couch for some good entertainment via the telly. I ended up on the True stories Channel, where all the movies played are based on actual events. I watched Not Without My Daughter, starring the captivating Sally Field. The movie is about this American woman who somehow ends up in an Islamic marriage with some Iranian bastard and they have this cute little girl. Well, the marriage ends up being a very abusive relationship so Sally Fields tries to run away, but her husband watches her all the time, follows her every move. If he finds she did something inappropriate he hits her! In front of the child!

I'm pretty sure this movie debuted on the Lifetime Channel. It had that "I'm a woman overcoming extremely dificult circumstances" ring to it. I don't watch the Lifetime channel. The reason for this is the same reason I should've never turned on Not Without My Daughter. I cried thru the ENTIRE MOVIE. It's just that it is so hard for Sally to live and she is so isolated in a community where a husband rules with an iron fist and basically you are married to the culture, not to a human being. At one point, I was eating a cookie (another thing you do when you watch Lifetime movies) and I was like choking on the cookie because of the crying. My goodness, Julie, get it together!
Last time I watched Lifetime, it was a movie about a girl in her 20's with breast cancer. It was a Friday night and I had plans, but I ended up cancelling them and getting sucked, involuntarily I might add, into a night of hysterical sobbing and bouts of depression.
Why does the channel for women just want to make them cry all the time and look so gosh damn wussy? Men must be involved in this somehow...

Fortune Cookie

Today, my boss gave me her fortune cookie.
Oddly enough, it said "Your life gains the stability you desire".

Strange because she just offered me the job full time. And this past weekend we found a house to move into. And I have 4 dates set up for this week.

Julie=stablity.

That's too strange.

Julie=stability for the next few days. Yes, thats more like it.

babbies. small and large.

I know that my sister Jenny, who is large with child, does not want anyone in the delivery room besides the necessary peeps. Like the doctor, her dula, and that one guy - AJ. Well, when I start popping out the chillins, I want you all to be there. Well, not all of you. Just my sisters. Cause random guy reading my blog, you are not allowed to see. Gross.

metro-sexshual

Today on the metro, I was "that guy". You know how you always see people who make a scene on public transit? And you always say to yourself 'Man, I would never want to be that guy'. Well.

I was running down the escalator, scurrying past all the silly ladies who wear their heels on the metro (hello--its sneaker time!) and I had my iPod blaring in my ears on a Muse song that really got me fired up to be in fast mode. So I'm running onto the metro and as I'm getting on...the doors shut on my backpack. And I scream. And the doors reopen and the metro voice says "Doors closing, please stand clear of the doors" and then they shut again, this time with all of my person inside. That was right after I ran into the girl in front of me and screamed, "Oh geez! I'm so sorry! I was stuck!".
Then I look around and EVERYone was staring at me. So I lowered my volume and the train was absolutely silent. There I was making a bloody fool out of myself, screaming and yelling and getting myself stuck in the door. Then I had to ride with those people for the next half hour.

Everytime I see somebody run onto the metro I always laugh at them while others shake their heads in disapproval. This time, I was the fool. Funny thing is: if i wasn't listening to my iPod, I would've heard the annoucement: "Doors Closing!" But I didn't. I'm getting rid of my iPod! As soon as the iPhone comes out! 2007 is the year of techno-savvy Julie!

The problem with trendy clothes is that the minute I get comfortable enough to wear them, they are no longer trendy.

Charlie Brown has nothing on my Christmas...

Remember the time when you would wake up on Christmas morning and everything was new and bright? Every present you opened was like finding a goldmine, whether it was a pair of socks or a new bike. Slap some wrapping paper on anything and it is instantly appreciated. Being a child and spending Christmas with tons of people just felt...right.
Well this past Christmas (yes, like 2 weeks ago) I was basically all alone. When I say basically, I mean that my mother and I spent the holiday together. Yes, just me and my mom. All alone. Christmas Eve and day. What were we possibly going to do that would entertain both of us and keep me pulling out all my hair from the sheer madness that comes from being with your mom for more than a few hours.
So we thought about it.

Mom thought about it.


I thought about it.


Then...we had it!!


We would go into DC for Christmas. An old fashioned Christmas at the Mayflower Hotel.
The Mayflower is a quasi-famous hotel in the city which has historical significance in the eyes of many politicians and DC's elite. Inaugural balls are held there on every Inauguration Day. Harry S. Truman lived there. JFK ran the halls as a child. J. Edgar Hoover lunched there daily for twenty years. It is a very posh hotel, full of people with old money. The halls are decorated with gold cherubs, and high ceilings line the hotels entry way. It is seriously gorgeous.


We had yummy breakfast in bed on Christmas morning. We exchanged presents in the morning. Watched the Christmas parade on TV. It was great fun, I'm so glad we treated ourselves to some luxury Christmas treats!

We went back to my mom's house and cooked up a fabulous Christmas veggie dinner. Butternut Squash on ravioli, Asparagus, Rice pilaf...


And we made a delicious Danish Kringle. It was mouth watering. Like a coffee cake donut sent from heaven.


Yum! What a fabulous Christmas!