Late night post that I should probably not post

I am a sad sack tonight.

During my first weeks at school

These past 3 weeks, these past 21 days, these past 504 hours...have been painful. I miss my TH so much and I won't be seeing him for at least a couple more weeks. Work is so busy for him and it is midterm season here at Gnomie Grad School, and therefore= no time to visit and catch up. This also means minimum phone time and I am feeling the distance now.

This might sound totally weird, but I can't help but wonder how much easier this would have been 75 years ago. When people didn't have cell phones to call at anytime of the day. Or text messages that are sent and not returned immediately. Or email, for goodness sakes. What if it were just me and TH, far away from each other, forced to send telegrams or lovey notes back and forth? There are so many mediums in which to connect, it is frustrating when I don't hear from any of these mediums (TH, this post is not about you being in any sort of doghouse, don't worry).

I sometimes think it would be easier to go without talking for a couple days, because I get so attached to TH so quickly. When I have him, I want to keep him. I don't want to give him back to Virginia. When we are talking on the phone, I don't want to hang up. I want to keep talking all night and if I wake up, I want him to be there to exchange some incoherent words with me.

Also the long distance takes away any sort of spontaneity. I mean, I can't just hop on a train and ride for 4 hours without telling TH I'm coming (I couldn't do that anyway. Too much work to do.) We can't wake up one morning and decide to drive upstate to take photos and go hiking and stop at farms along the way. We are limited in the things we do. It is hard.

Reliving the last time I got to spend time with TH. In Brooklyn.

This is hard.

I'm lucky this is October - my second favorite month. It is helping to keep my spirits up.