Enough

You know that J Lo movie, Enough? She's a mom to this cute little person and is involved in a scary relationship with this abusive guy. One day she decides to be all super hard core and starts working out and going to the gym pretty much 7 times a day and kicking that big red foam thingy and sparring with her gym teacher, all so she can be ready for her ex-lover to come over and kill her.

Why doesn't she just MOVE??

I mean, sure its brave that she's trying to face the demons, but if some really scary man had a death wish for me, I would do the follwing:

1. Call the police
2. Move in with my parents
3. Get a couple of trained blood thirsty doberman pinchers
4. Watch a lot of days of our lives, cause it would probably give me really great ideas of what to do with a scorned lover.
5. If those don't work, move somewhere like Ecuador or Russia

Anyway J Lo is ridiculous and just wants attention. Grow up.

Chats

It's Haiku Season.

me: angelina is writing for the economist now
Teen Heartthrob: jolie?
me: yep
TH: I actually support that
I've said it before, I respect what she does, how she uses her influence, and she was ridiculously impressive on larry king
me: maybe you should pen a haiku for her
TH: having difficulty

TH: She wields influence
With utopian vision
To lift the trodden

me: holy shnit
thats pretty good
i think you are in lub with her
TH: ha
totally
I hope you're jealous

(And he wonders why we have disagreements. Haiku means love. Clearly I only love monster and he is in a loving relationship with Angelina. I hope he likes children.)

I hate to say this...

but I am SO over Steve Carrell. Please do something different.

And one more item of business for today

Read the People magazine spoof here.
I love that even Voldemort has a reaction.

Haha. Oh, Harry Potter...it's too bad that Dumbledore's outing is being overshadowed by all the wildfire blazes in SoCal. Talk about bad PR timing.

A few of my favorite things

A guy plays one of my favorite songs from Amelie. Amazing!

Jump around, jump around. Jump up, jump up and get down! Reminds me of Robby and the story reading.

And finally, we all wonder why they're all screwy now. Check out all their dance videos. I'm so scared. Their bodies flail about as if independent from each other!!

A real mountain man can do the foxtrot

I've really never watched Dancing With the Stars.

I find the entire show completely contrived in a very C-list celebrity style. Of course, only the demonic networks can both appease themselves and out-of-work washed up has-beens. It's pathetic and, with the exception of tuning into the Heather Mills Leg spectacle, I haven't watched a single episode.

However, I feel all that is about to change. For the upcoming season, they have cast both Marie Osmond and Jane Seymour!! Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman and "Valley of the Dolls" Osmond!


I will now be tuning in, in hopes that Marie will partner up with a china doll to the Cha-Cha or that one day, please God please - my boyfriend, Sully will show up to sweep Dr. Quinn off her feet and they will waltz away in the prarie, their fires of passion burning for each other like a consumptive fever. I cannot wait!

Seriously, when I used to skip out on awesome Saturday Night Fun to watch Dr. Quinn with my mom, I was only doing it because my boyfriend needed my support. You would do the same if they had episode after episode of Sully getting hurt out in the wilderness and being forced to go to Dr. Quinn's office to take his shirt off so the doctora can check out his abs. I mean wounds. Wounds.

And it's totally ok, me and Dr. Quinn have an understanding. She patches him up and gives Sully closed mouth kisses on TV, I take care of the rest of Sully at home.

The Valley of the Dolls

How creepy is this?

I love you. Let me count the ways.

Everyone's favorite child star wizard! Child star wizard turned...blech. Why does he look so skeevy? I've been racking my brain to figure out how our cute little Potter turned from this into the adult he is today. Well, here are some things that I think would make Harry Potter look a little more...natural.

1. Tan. For the love of Hermione, get a freaking tan. You're skin is translucent and you are soon going to be mistaken for a dementor if you keep wearing black clothing.
2. Do something about those eyebrows! The problem is, the rest of him looks so girlish that the bushy eyebrows are just throwing me off. They look like caterpillers attacking his face. Take care of it.
3. Stop faking that smile. I think what good ol boy needs is one of those bite guards. I feel like he probably has grinded his teeth into nothingness. He always looks like he's just moving those chompers back and forth with his mouth closed. Just relax, geez.
4. Maybe sleep a little bit. Either that or lay off the drugs. Your eyes always look like a 22 year old college drop out. Red...watery...psychotic...I don't know. Maybe invest in some visine.
5. Stop posing in awkward positions for MENS magazines! Blech.

Seriously. If you just take these simple words of wisdom to heart, maybe you will be able to stop Voldemort. I mean, I haven't read book 7 yet and I don't know your fate, but I think you should hold on to atleast a little dignity. Start now.

Oh and as self-proclaimed facial hair advisor, please would you please stop trying to grow a beard? It's not working yet and it just makes you look a little more...skeevy.

Interesting veggies

There a vote taking place on the PETA website for sexiest vegetarian. Yes, I think its great to be vegetarian and yes, I'm happy these people are socially aware of the implications and all. However, it's always interesting to note the people who decide to go this route. Some are funny, some are really seriously smokin hot, and some are just...lying. So, I have compiled a list, seperated into categories of some of the contenders for this years Sexiest Vegetarian Celebrity


1. Blast from the Past

Jonathan Taylor Thomas (JTT!)
Emmylou Harris
Jennie Garth
Noah Wyle
Q-Tip
Kenny Loggins

2. Doesn't eat meat, but still a meathead

Alec Baldwin
Benji Madden
Don Imus (prob went veg after pressure from his PR people.)
Woody Harrelson
Casey Kasem (star of Saved by the Bell)


3. Only doing it for the year to be entered in the contest, thus receiving recognition despite complete career failure. (including fact that they are probably only vegetarian because of their sole consumption of beer nuts and expired Schlitz)
Boy George
Bryan Adams
Little Richard
Michael Bolton

4. Hot, hot, hot. I'm considering us the best of friends because of all the things we have in common (like our shunning of meat product)

David Duchovny
Rivers Cuomo
Morrissey
Natalie Portman
Esai Morales
Joaquin Phoenix
Weird Al Yankovic (what?)
Nomadic Gnome

There you have it, folks. Go check out the website and vote for your favorite! Don't forget Samwise Gamgee! Hobbits are vegetarians, too!