4 months.

4 months with the Henry. Please indulge me while I do some self-reflecting.

I never understood what it meant to be a mother. I truly was dumb about how much WORK it takes to raise a baby. everyone says it's so rewarding and to "enjoy every day" because it passes so quickly. while that may be true i have to admit, during the first few months, i did not enjoy every day. i felt really guilty about it every time someone would ask me, how's it going? i was just thinking - oh, i am drowning. how are you? some days were just really hard and when you are so completely exhausted, it feels like it will never change and now you are a mom with a crying baby and forget about your former life of quiet contemplation, stress-free days and nights, and when your biggest worry was should i have pizza or thai for dinner. i'm half joking, but you know what i mean?

but then...something magical happens. things start falling into place. the baby starts sleeping longer. the smiles come. the recognition that i'm his mom. the kicking legs and wide-open mouth every time he sees me after a nap. mama and daddy are sleeping better. i've always loved Henry since I first laid eyes on him, and heck even before when he was growing in my belly, but this past month must be what the Renaissance felt like. LIFE! LOVE! PURSUIT OF BABY HAPPINESS!


i didn't think motherhood would come to me naturally. the first 3 months were hard, and made me doubt myself and my ability to take care of this little guy. but now i finally feel like things are clicking into place. i just love every single second spent with him. and i miss newborn Henry. i really didn't know how FAST babies grow or i would have appreciated that first month so much more! it makes me want another little baby in my arms right now. so so precious.

so what's henry up to at his 4 month mark?
Henry, you are a complete gem. At 16 lbs 11 oz, you are a lot of baby. We love our chubby little guy. Everyone who sees you always says one of two things: "those cheeks!" and "what a serious face!". whatever we're doing, we can guarantee that you are into it and you are focused.
Every day you have a little conversation with us. In the mornings, we hear you playing in your crib with your ooohhohhh ooooo's and little squeals, and as soon as you see me, you get this huge smile on your face and open your mouth so wide! such a happy baby! you love to play with mama or daddy in the mornings. we read books, play with toys, play with your baby gym. you love the airplane game, and so far it's one of the only ways we can get you to laugh.
sometimes you laugh when i sing silly songs. that makes me so happy.
you chew on your fingers nonstop. dad thinks your going to be a thumbsucker and i say better a thumbsucker than a pacifier baby! at least you can never lose that thumb in the middle of the night. we've had a few encounters with pacifiers falling out at night. no fun for anyone! :)
you have started to really check us out while we're eating. you stare at the food...watch it go into our mouths...and stare back at the plate. i have a feeling as soon as you can start grabbing, you're going to start wanting some adult food. yikes, i'm not ready for that!
we've started going for walks around our new neighborhood, with you facing out in the baby bjorn. dad and me think you believe you are walking by yourself and that's why you like it so much. as soon as we turn you around to face us, you protest! you are so independent already, little man. it's so fun to watch you look at a cat or stare at a squirrel.
you are starting to sleep much better. between 10-11 hours at night, you'll usually wake up once and we give you a little hug and you'll go back to sleep.
we love you ridiculous amounts, mr. henry. happy 4 months, indeed.

new house.

i love our house.
i love our street.
i love the dog that barks at me from our kitchen window (hi doggie!)
i love the babys crib.
i love our windows.


i am tired every single day, but it's a tired that feels gratified whenever i hold this chubby little baby of mine. and it's kind of nice to be tired in this comfortable house. it's peaceful here.

i made this for lunch this week. it's so good and good for my body that needs strength! comes together very quickly and keeps in the fridge for a few days.

heavy heart.

getting ready for his big day with nanny. in a rare sleeping moment.

every morning we bundle up mr. henry for his short little trip to the nanny. and every morning he is SO CUTE it hurts to drop him off. he just stares at us with his charming smile and pretty blue eyes, like "aww, cmon guys, dontcha wanna spend all day with me again??" heart. breaks.
we had a crazy day/night yesterday due to the time change. someone didn't want to nap all day, and woke up all night last night. (we are reading books on sleep training and plan to start in a couple of weeks once we have our plan written out.) so dropping baby off at the nanny this morning was extra hard because i knew he was tired, and i was tired, and he had a little tear just hanging out in his eye, waiting to pour down his face.
and i gave him a kiss, waved goodbye, and got back to the car and just started crying. today was really hard.
so i take breaks every 15 minutes to look at pictures or videos of henry. it's the only thing that gets me through the day. this video of henry watching his cousin, jake (only 6 weeks younger than hen!) was taken on sunday morning. isn't jake the cutest?? henry thinks so.

here i am.

finishing off my first full week of work feels like a true accomplishment. i only cried once and only thought about never going back to work a handful of times. maybe this week was made better by:
1. fancy no-holds-barred lunch date at Againn with TH! we ordered 2 different kinds of brussel sprouts and a banoffee pie just to name a few things. indulgent.
2. two 70 degree days this week.
3. friends visited and brought us yummy dinner
4. jimmy johns is now located across the street from my office!

but the tough things of this week were pretty seriously tough:
1. i have 4 cavities. darn pregnancy weakening my teeth.
2. i got a pancake flat tire last night that made me late to pick up Henry and i cried so hard about it. not because of the flat, but because i was afraid Henry would think i forgot about him. I didn't forget! I didn't forget, baby!
3. TH went to NYC without me. Raincheck for next time, please!

And now we have arrived to the weekend. We're planning on a brunch date to celebrate our 2 year anniversary and maybe check out some furniture shops around town. It's plum time to get our house in order. Hope you enjoy the weekend!

working mom.

I'm planning to write a bit about being a working mom, and making that difficult transition back to work, but I did want to share one thing before I delve into the topic.

We were lucky to find an amazing nanny to take care of Henry (we are part of a nanny share with another family who has an adorable 6 month old girl). How do I know she is amazing? Because she sends me pictures like this:

Henry (on the left) at the park on a cold day. Just hanging out in his way too big bear suit, trying to find his hands. I die laughing every time I look at this photo. There is nothing funnier/cuter than a way too bundled up baby.

hi.

just popping by to say hello.

1. i'm back at work.
2. i left my phone at home today.
3. i also left my key fob at home so i had to ring the bell to get into work today, after running up 3 levels of a parking garage.
4. we have moved and life is totally nuts right now, but we have the worlds most supportive family and church congregation and moving was as breezy as it gets. the uhaul was packed and unpacked in about 2 hours. family and friends helped with henry, cleaned our old place, and put away kitchen/linens/set up electronics/closets/beds/cribs in our new place. i feel so lucky to have such a strong support network and to call these amazing people I know my friends and family! we would be in shambles without them.
5. i love henry's chubby cheeks so much i could die.

goodbye and hello.

our house is a disaster right now. boxes everywhere, picture frames lining the baseboards, furniture dissembled...it's moving weekend!! i cannot wait to go from this...

to this.

and now i can start obsessing over how to arrange our house, and where to put the bridge picture and our coke tin lady, and should the couch face the fireplace or just sit next to it, and should we ditch the TV or not, and where is the best place to buy plants in DC?!

hooray for moves. can't wait to share some pictures of our new digs once we get settled.

ps henry is moving from his bassinet next to our bed to a CRIB in his own room. not sure who will have worse separation anxiety - him or me!

last day.

monday was my last day at home with henry before becoming a working mom. i was nursing him during the day, thinking about how much he eats during one feeding and trying to add up in my head how many bottles i will have to prepare for the nanny, and i just started crying. emotional, sobby motherly crying. i couldn't stand the thought of somebody else getting to spend these sweet moments with him, and it made me a little mad to think about it.

i'm trying to stay positive, and to be honest i wonder if i'll like the separation that will make me appreciate every single moment with him while we are together. we will see.

for our last day together, henry woke up at 4am and didn't want to go back to sleep. maybe he knew and wanted to spend all the time he could with me before i went back to work. haha. when i put him down for his morning nap, i slept a glorious sleep and mark took him when he woke up, so it was a lovely morning of snoozing.

we took a quick trip to stock up on things at Target, then back home to start packing and make meals for the week. we had a celebratory dinner at Cafe Rio with some friends, and put Henry to bed early. it was a perfect day.

3 months!

I'm rotten at keeping a journal lately, so this is my record for baby H. 3 months and counting, where does the time go?

Henry, you are 3 months old now. I know this is so cliched, but I cannot believe how fast time has passed. Weren't you just a little newborn in my arms, us trying to figure out how to survive with each other? Now 3 months later, I'm getting ready to return to work and you will go with your new nanny and we will try to figure out how to survive without each other (at least during the day!)

You have grown up so much in the past month, especially in the past week. We are starting to see peeks of your sweet personality, and I'm dying to see more! You always seem to be focused on something, and will intensely stare at something until we distract you away from it. You like to play with your little baby gym, and dad and mom love to sit next to you and watch you try to laugh and grab the little rings above your head. You are so happy in the mornings, kicking your legs and cooing. When we pick you up, you jump up and down on our laps. I like to pretend its because you missed us all night long.

You still aren't sleeping all that great, you wake up 2-3 times a night to eat, but you go right back to sleep sweetly. You still take 3-4 naps during the day.

You are a CHUNK, weighing in at around 15 1/2 pounds now. You are all cheeks, mister, and I'm convinced that is why you don't smile very often. It must be hard for you, poor thing.

You have a terribly sweet smile and are starting to find your laugh, a little bit. It's all inside your mouth, but we're hoping soon you'll open your mouth and let that laugh out!

You found your hands last week! You stuck out your fists in front of you and just stared at them for a few minutes, and then, you started grabbing at toys and holding them right after that! Baby milestone! We were so proud of you! And now you're an old pro at it.

We finally got a bumbo seat and you cannot get enough of it. You sat in it for 30 minutes today.

You scare easily. In the past week I've accidentally made you jump about 5 times. It's so interesting to see how high you jump out of your chair or your seat - you have so much muscle you don't use!

When you are really sad you stick your lower lip out really far for about 5 seconds, and then the tears come. It's so cute, it hurts.

You are just starting to find the range of emotions you can express. You are rarely mad or sad or happy, but mostly just content or bothered. And when you are bothered you give us the cough cry. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. It's pretty cute, too.

They call this next month the personality month. So, let's see what you got for us little Henry. We love you more and more every day.

right now.

home from eating dinner with in-laws + my mom. love them, and feel so spoiled to have family so close.

i hear a mouse in the utility closet. scratch, scratch, scratch. he'll probably cut the hot water supply off or something, just my luck.

baby is sleeping.

eating cold pancakes from this mornings feast.

looking at my sleeping baby, too afraid to move him from his carseat.

looking at sheets for henry's new crib. i made sheets for his bassinet, but i can't imagine finding the time to make sheets for his crib.

making big plans for my last full week at home before i go back to work. so bittersweet. mostly bitter. i've gone through more emotional transitions in the past year than in my entire life. it's completely nuts.

things coming together. sort of.

yes, we found a new apartment.

we also found a nanny for little Hen. a sweet nanny i am in love with, and can't wait for Henry to speak 2 languages! (or one, for that matter)

kind of learning to multi-task: eat lunch, while putting on makeup, bouncing the baby and squeezing his foot to make him smile, google "sleep training" every other hour.

still can't figure out how people get their babies to sleep through the night?? will this happen?

listening to sharon von etten and wishing we could find a babysitter to sit in our house with a sleeping baby on a saturday night while we go to her concert at the Black Cat (impossible).

met up with some colleagues this week, feeling nervous to go back to work, wishing i cared more about my career...can't think about anything else but baby. i wonder if this will change...

and onto the weekend. another jam-packed saturday filled with errands, errands, errands. just setting up and getting ready for our new life! life as working parents with a sweet babe!

here we go again.

if you've seen me in the past few days, you'll have heard this news already (i'm having trouble staying quiet about it): we are moving!

our friends recently moved to utah (boo!! we miss you guys!) and i casually asked them what they were doing with their house, not thinking anything would really come from it. but i stopped by their house a few weeks ago and it just felt so perfect for us. i was holding my breath for weeks, hoping it would work out, and we are signing the lease tomorrow. hoorah!

our friends moved into the house when they had a little boy henry's age, and when they left they had 2 little boys and a brand new baby girl (named Julie!). so now we get to move in with our sweet little boy and watch him grow with plenty of room to crawl around and bump his head on the doors and fill the rooms with laughter. and who knows, maybe see our family grow a little more in the next few years, too!

we move in just a few short weeks. and here are the things we are excited for:

no more basement

huge windows and lots of natural light

henry gets his own room

we get our own room!

hardwood floors -- goodbye carpet

we get to stay on the Hill, and move closer to our favorite sandwich place on the Hill (Mark is no doubt very pleased about this)

backyard patio

bathtub for baby baths (and mama baths)

lots of storage

oh. mah. goodness. is this what heaven feels like?

moving.

Guess who is moving again...

Nowhere exotic, just a few blocks away. But oh! To have more space! And to leave the dreaded basement!

When i was younger i moved around a lot more. I was much more mobile and enjoyed being able to pack up my car with all my belongings like a turtle, and drive to a new place. Utah, Alaska, New York, Virginia...I was a free spirit.

And now...well, now I'm married. And I'm turning into this adult with stuff. We bought this huge couch. And this table for having dinner parties and stuff (which happen far too few times). Fitting all these things into a one bedroom is a very tricky thing. Plus, this baby has seemed to have made our house shrink to half its size. Acquiring any new piece of furniture or clothing is like a delicate game of Jenga, ready to topple at any moment.

So, we move. We move on, we move up, and we move the hell out. Hopefully I'll know more in the next week, but I've got my fingers crossed for good things!

waking up with henry.

so this is how our 6:30/7:00 am goes.

henry: meh.

...ahhhhaaameh....

...

...

MEH!

me: it's the baby.

mark: wha?

me: the baby.

mark: hmph?

me: the BAYbee.

mark: oh! ok i'll get him...(rolls back over to sleep)

henry: rrrmphhhh....maaaahhh!

me: mark! can you get the baby?

mark: (waking up suddenly) what?

me: henry is awake. can you help him?

mark gets up and shuffles over to henry's bassinet. and i roll over and go back to sleep thinking i can sleep for at least another half hour before mark leaves for work.

henry: MEH!

mark: j, i think he's hungry.

me: meh.

then we snuggle for a little bit while he eats, then he falls asleep on me. and it looks something like this:

(don't worry, he can totally breathe during the faceplant. but this photo makes me laugh so hard.)

the days are long but the weeks are short.

how was he ever so little?

baby is asleep.

he stirs and i want him to stay asleep, but i also want him to wake up so we can cuddle.

laundry is folded.

kitchen is clean.

errands are run.

flowers are on the table.

...a pile of papers are sitting on the table like the leaning tower of pisa.

...a million things to do before the inevitable return to work in a few weeks.

my brain is kind of jumbly right now.

but guess who got a babysitter so she could go on a hot date with her husband tonight?! (thanks papa mickey)

happy weekend!!