Sep 28, 2006

Just Plain Wrong

American Apparel really turns me on. All of their clothes are so streamlined. So simple. So plainly rapturous. Everytime I walk into a store, I want to run home and throw away all my frumpy clothing and my pirate-y ruffled shirts bought with promises to make me more likely to appear in US weekly. I also want to run home and color coordinate my closet, according to style and sleeve length.

But this...

Oh, American Apparel. You made us trust you with all of our fashion choices and then you pull the sneak move when you think nobody will question your motives.
What tomfoolery.

It's your shadow!

I have a problem.

You know that one movie where three little kids live in London and they have to resort to their own creative minds to fly into NeverNeverLand to escape the woes of society that exists in their stifling home? And you know that one old guy in the movie who runs around the whole time, relaying in his gruffly old voice, "I've lost my marbles"? I am his American counterpart.

I have lost my marbles. Do you know what else I have lost? Everything. That is why I have lost my marbles. Let me relay to you the items I have lost over the past 2 weeks:
1. My room key (which kept me locked out of my room all weekend, forced to spend my nights on a small and mildly uncomfortable loveseat)
2. My key to my work office (which if not found, will send my name to a list in DC. A naughty list of sorts)
3. My drivers license
4. My debit card
5. My friends keys (He let me borrow his car for the week while he was gone and I lost his entire set of keys--his office key, car key, post office key, and something else that looked relatively goldenly small and important)
6. My favorite black sweatshirt
7. My mind

I am a mess. My mind is mashed potatoes right now. MASHED POTATOES. I'm leaving in like 34 hours and I can't seem to get anything done. I need to look for the crap that I've lost within the next 34 hours when I'm not working or sleeping. And, what do I do about my friends keys? How do you lose an entire set of keys? WITH A KEYCHAIN? What do I tell my friend? How can I get out of this situation unscathed? I will probably never see him again because he gets back from out of town after I leave tomorrow. Should I leave him monetary restitution? Should I leave an I'm Sorry Note underneath his door? But I really value his friendship and I want to visit him in his new home in Seattle.
Luckily, according to Murphy's Law, I probably won't lose anything else, because I've already lost all the important stuff.

Sep 26, 2006

Honest tea

I am 24 years old and I have never written a cover letter.

There. I said it.

Sep 25, 2006

Oh, David, what has come of you since our dear Tommy Boy passed on?

Crisco is the new salsa

Well, I'm irked today kids. I just found out my sister gets to work at the Muse show in SLC tomorrow! I love Muse a lot, especially when I'm working out. And I would glady show up at their show with sweatbands and gym shorts. I would have no problem with that. But really Muse, can't you wait just like 3 extra days so that your biggest fan can be at your show? I mean, I own 3 of your CD's, doesn't that qualify me for some sort of fan-hood, in which I can tell you to reschedule a show for me?
And secondly, how does my sister have such a cool freaking job as an 18 year old college student and I'm stuck pushing papers for The Man? And I thought my karma was in the positive.

As of last night I have had 6 boys sleep in my room this summer. Does that make me a floozy? Well does it legitimize the story moreso that 4 out of the 6 boys were inebriated, and 2 out of those 4 boys were completely drunk? And 1 out of those 2 drunk boys threw up in my bathroom? I guess you could say I'm the mommy of the boys, taking care of them in their time of need, be it a place to sleep, a place to puke, or a place just to get all snuggly. Oh and just we're all clear, the other 2 boys locked themselves out of their rooms. It counts. In another couple of weeks, there will be no more boy sharing of rooms, given that Poppers will be just up the stairs, and Grandma doesn't approve of cohabitation, unless you count sleeping with the cats, which I think is totally inappropriate and I will NOT be taking part in. Cats are smelly, disgusting, selfish creatures and I vow here and now to never have a cat of my own. They are a scourge upon our society.

Sep 22, 2006


I missed it. Bloody hell, after all of that buildup, I missed the season premiere of The Office.
Well, you can't win them all.
But you can make up for it by sleeping in through work the next day.

On a completely different note, today starts my week countdown. I will be in Alaska for another week. Next Friday will be my last day here. Will it be my last day ever? I'm not sure. But I can tell you this, if I'm not in South America next May, I will be flying up to Alaska to reclaim by job. I might even become a fire fighter. Because, come on, how is this not hot:

But in all seriousness, I have really enjoyed my time here in Alaska. 4 1/2 months passes by very quickly. I always like reflecting back on my time spent in my place of residence before moving on, so I can relish all the fun times and great friends I made. Here was my summer in a short word montage:
mosquitos, bluegrass, fire, bigger mosquitos, sunny days, sunny nights, king and queen of summer solstice, midnight softball game, jetskiing, hikes, kayak, riverboats, bonfires, island parties, more bluegrass, the marlin, northern lights, moose, caribou sheds, bumpy roads, salmon, Kennedy sundays, hot licks, guitar serenades on school buses, karaoke, and crazy crazy people.
Thank you, Alaska for always being there when I needed you.


Sep 21, 2006

television for the masses

I'm going to go along with Eric on this one and urge everyone out there to watch tonight's season premiere of

Thats right, The Office. When I first saw this picture, I thought "Where is Pam?" She looks totally different. My second thought was "Is that a picture of an animal mounting another animal on Jims shirt?" I think it is.

So I don't normally watch TV. The only successful syndicated programs that got me hooked in the past few years have been: Grey's Anatomy and The Office. Unless you count Alias, which, if we're counting The Office then really I should count Alias. Because I didn't start watching Alias until season 4, and I caught up on all the first 3 seasons on DVD. I recently did the same with The Office, having finished the season 2 finale on Monday. This is a much more effective method of watching TV shows. No suspense, it's like a 20 hour long movie. Heathbar and I watched seasons 1-3 of Alias in like a month. We stayed up until 4 AM countless nights watching these episodes because we just couldn't wait to find out what happened. That Sydney is so hot right now. Even post baby, her and the Afflack are a hot item. She upped his stock by a good 6 points.

While all you lovers of The Office have been waiting in suspense for the entire summer, I have been waiting for a painstaking 3 days. Suckers.

Sep 19, 2006

I left a cup of tea on my desk last week.
It is still on my desk.
The mate is beginning to mold. I have decided to turn it into a science experiment, and also, increase my chances of aforementioned rapidly spreading cold germ, which I still have managed to avoid.
I will be posting pictures shortly of my experiment.

This is going to be way cooler than my fifth grade experiment: Do plants grow better with sound--i.e. music, talking, etc.? (Results: obviously the one I talked to grew the best because of all the CO2 I was breathing right at the plantling.
What was your fifth grade science experiment? I really want to know, please share! And give results, too, don't be shy.

10 days!!

Sep 18, 2006

Thank you for curing me of my ridiculous obsession with love.

It started innocently enough. But when your boss starts flirting with you, take it from me, he is not just trying to be nice. Especially if he is divorced twice and "has a habit of going for younger women". And if he emails you saying "you looked good in that hat today". Creepy.

dreams of richie rich

Something very discomforting occured in my sleep last night. I had a dream that I had the chance to go to either a concert or a football game and what did I choose?
The football game.
It worries me, because I didn't think I was the type to choose a sporting event over a good show. Unless maybe the show was Lifehouse or Clay Aiken. But I don't remember what it was, I just remember I was really excited to see a game played between the Green Bay Packers and some Florida team. Who am I? Have I been denying impulses my entire life and I'm really just a cheesehead wearing, stadium nachos eating, jersey donning football fan?
It's a scary thought.
What's even more scary is that I went to the football game with my old high school history teacher, Coach Nichols.

things and other things

Somebody left a little toy on my desk over the weekend. It is a wooden box that has a message written on the top in black:
So of course, I opened it to see what it said. And this is what it said:
I don't know who would've given me something so silly. But they must have known that I am impatient, curious, and disobedient. They must know me well, because clearly that is not public knowledge.

In other news, I have a meeting today with the director of this grad school program at University of Alaska-Fairbanks. I'm excited for three reasons:
1. I might be going to UAF for grad school.
2. The research program is really interesting and seems to directly feed my career goals and research interests.
3. I get to leave work early to go to the meeting!

Sep 15, 2006

I'm getting all verklempt. let me squeeze your tochis!

Have you ever practiced the Jewish faith?
I haven't. But I've come close.
The closest I've ever been to being Jewish was the time I was out on a walk around the neighborhoods of DC. I was walking from M street down to like T street near Georgetown. My friends and I were in search of a falafal place and stumbled upon a bar mitzvah in the middle of the street! A boy was reading from the torah and singing hebrew in the lovely voice of a prepubescent young man. There were people crowded in the streets to witness this. It felt very voyeuristic to be the Christian onlooker, staring at them like they were pandas in the zoo.
The second most closest I've ever come to being Jewish just happened in the past week. I discovered this man:

Matisyahu. He is a Jewish Reggae musician. His lyrics are socially conscious and honest. He makes a connection with his fans. He atleast made a connection with me. Matisyahu was quoted on a Jewish website as saying

"All of my songs are influenced and inspired by the teachings that inspire me. I want my music to have meaning, to be able to touch people and make them think. Chasidism teaches that music is 'the quill of the soul.' Music taps into a very deep place and speaks to us in a way that regular words can't."

The quill of the soul. You don't have to be Jewish to know that is one heck of a declaration.

Pretending to be Jewish is the new pretending to be emocore.
It makes people dance like this:

And make tons of cookies with Jewish names on them:

And pose pretty Jewish girls together with one awkward boy who is definately circumsised. By the looks of it, it might have happened pretty recently. Say, 15 minutes ago.

Sometimes it makes people nervous to be Jewish. Especially when their moms are putting on the pressure. And put the death grip on their sons.

But being Jewish, I would have to say, would be okay overall. Especially if I get to hang out with these kids and join in on all of their very very fun antics.

All in a days work

I haven't seen enough sunrises in my life.
After discussing this last night with my friend, Mike, we decided to rise to the occasion. We decided we should make the most of our last couple weeks in Alaska and get out and do things, no matter what the cost. Be it money, sleep, previous friendships, bonds of secrecy, etc.
I also decided that I haven't eaten enough hearty triple bypass inducing breakfasts this year. Sometimes you just need a big pancake in the morning. If I had a kitchen, that would be simple. But I have no kitchen. So it's a bit tricky.
With these two realizations coinciding last night, Mike and I came up with a brilliant plan.

We would go to The Northern Most Denny's in the World.

So we met in the lobby at 6 AM. We were so excited to go eat crispy hash browns and sugary breakfast foods. I was especially excited.

When we got to Denny's, it was dark.

Having never been to breakfast yet this summer, nor been to Denny's in atleast since that fateful day next to La Quinta when Tanner was running up and down the aisles and spending all my quarters on the claw machine, I couldn't believe how quickly I forgot about the awesome portion sizes.
Jim went with the standard. The All-American Grand Slam.

Can you believe he only ate half of a pancake? That was after he ate all of his sausage and bacon. And after he took all my meat, too. And some hash browns. Jim is a carnivorous root plant lover.
Mike on the other hand, was still half asleep whilst shoveling his Denver Omelette with the coveted english muffin.

I, on the other hand, was faithful to my french toast craving. I've been dreaming about french toast for weeks now. The grease that melted over the plate made it look just as shiny as the laminated menu. I love to put sugar on top of my french toast. Yummy granules and butter...

Since we had prime seating options, we sat by the window to watch the sunrise. It was beautiful.

What a successful morning! And we accomplished all this before going to work! I just wish I didn't feel like this:

Sep 14, 2006

I'm no team player

It's that time of year again. The leaves start to change, the Autumn wind begins to pick up, the kids go back to school, and the sniffles come with barely any warning.
It begins with that one lady who comes into the office, complaining she couldn't sleep the night before. You hear the coughs coming from her cubicle with more frequency and intensity throughout the day. Then come the sneezes.
Let it soak in for a few days...then...BAM! Everyone in the office has a cold.

I am fighting it. I am really in a battle for my life. Not only because I don't have health insurance, but because once I get sick, it's over. I turn into the biggest whiner. I will take off work, lay in bed the entire day watching old episodes of Friends and indulging myself in movies such as Groundhog Day, Love Actually, and Robin Hood (Disney version). I will do this for atleast two days before even making any efforts to venture outside. And I won't take medicine for it because it makes me all shaky and sweaty. Plus I nearly loose it everytime I swallow that nasty cherry syrup. Western medicine completely baffles me. I think my behavior is residual behavior from when I was young and my mother babied the hell out of me. Not that I'm complaining. You better believe she's the first person I call when I'm sick. I know I can always count on her for the sympathy and love I'm in such desperate need of at times of ill health.

But for now, I'm being putting on my big girl face and I'm armed and ready to fight till the death. I have, right now, on my desk:
1. two oranges
2. hand sanitizer
3. zinc lozenges
4. two water bottles
5. yogurt, chock full of acidophilus
6. an old jar of raspberry jam with mold on the lid and top of jar
7. a piece of...wait...
MY JAM HAS MOLD IN IT??? I have been eating this jam all week, mixed up with my yogurt, and some pumpkin flaz granola and it's been the highlight of my mornings, every morning. I just discovered the mold. That can't be helping me in my combat.

Everyone is coughing around me. Everyone has head colds. Everyone is exchanging advice on how to get through the sick times. It's like the collective conscience of this office is totally operating at maximum capacity.
And I refuse, nay abhor the opportunity to join them.
I will stay healthy. I have ORANGES AND HAND SANITIZER! I'm good! If I can just last through the week, I'll win this game. Oh yes, I will defeat you acute nasopharyngitis.

Sep 13, 2006

Now for the last time, Virginia IS for lovers.

Why wouldn't I want to return to a state with lovely, intelligent people like her?

The best of the "new" is not Britney Spears's baby. It's you, dahling.

Ahem. Hello? (Tap, tap) Is thing on? (Applause) Oh...oh hi! Hello. Thanks...thank you...really, thanks so much. (applause quieting) Thank you all for coming. It's so nice to have you all here. I know you all have busy lives and work and school completely consumes your livelihood and I understand how hard it can be to break away. But we've all gathered here for a special occasion. Today is Thats right, today is the unveiling of the worlds NEWEST LEGAL HOTTIE!!! (massive cheering and appropriate amount of woots, along with rush of stage to obtain first date with newest 18 year old)

On such a special day as today, let's recognize our NLH and welcome her to adulthood.
As the first human to be honored on nomadic nourishment, you're probably thinking Wow, this NLH must have some pretty amazing credentials. And you are correct, my friend.
Periodically has birthday on Friday the 13th.
Owns amazing collection of uberbandgeek tshirts that she also obtains for her sister.
Temporarily driving the coolest car owned by any Irish-German we've ever met.
Loves darling coffee shops.
Convinces her Dad it's a good idea to let his young daughter go to HFStival.
Shares sleeping accomadations at the drop of a dime.
Rolls her eyes really well.
Appropriately sarcastic.
Macked on the bug boys.
Let her sisters shove her in a barbie corvette and push her around the house.
Allows her Stylist Sister to chop her locks, even when she knows Sister is scissor happy, and still loves Sister after haircut is total bullocks.
Will watch episode after episode of Newlyweds and What I Like About You without disdain.
Not afraid to paint her room green.
Shares my adoration for all things Soy.
Openly watches movies starring Hilary Duff AND Amanda Bynes.
Worked at Dominos.
Hung out with Copeland.
AND Infamously quoted as saying "We can't fit all the food in the suitcase, let's just pack it in ourselves".

Feel free to comment your own reasons to love this NLH. Also accepting applications for First Date with NLH.

Though it may appear otherwise in this photograph, I love my darling NLH sister. I think she's staring at my ring on the ole index. As you are a responsible adult now, I will let you borrow it from my expansive jewelry collection. Happy birthday, CL!!See you soon and take care of Ruby!!!

Sep 12, 2006

There must have been an office in the garden of eden

Working in an office is the dumps.
No matter how much work you do, there is more coming because everyone always has papers to be filled out. There is always paperwork for everything. And I don't care what my boss says about job security, I'd rather have the fear of possibly losing my job motivate me to work harder than working 10 - 12 hour days under flourescent lighting and when my friend comes to visit me, her legs are 57 shades darker than mine at the end of the freaking summer!

So anyway, it's really great to be back at work. I missed crazy travel lady. She's a native Alaskan and I think she looks so majestic. Sometimes when I'm feeling really campy, I put the song from Last of the Mohicans on my iPod and watch her work. It's inspiring. I imagine her standing at the top of some crag looking off into the distance, with a forlorn look on her face, listening to her ancestors whisper in the wind. I just realized I totally stole that scene from Pocahontas. Oh well. I was inspired by Pocahontas, too, you know.

I also missed the IT guy. He always comes and talks to me for about 10 minutes out of the day. Therein is contained friendly banter, candy exchange, and suggestions of things to do around town. I like him because I feel like he understands that his job is just a job. It doesn't consume his life like so many other people in my office let happen. He has longer greying hair that he pulls back into a ponytail and he always wears old jeans with Self-Made Creases in them and old tshirts from old festivals and 5K runs. I know after he leaves work, he goes back to his little cabin and shakes off the days dust, lets his hair down, and listens to some Jimi Hendrix while he lights up a big fattie blunt. No, change that--he listens to some John Prine and eats cookies and throws back a cold beer. Yes, thats the IT guy.
I wonder if I will be missed when I'm gone. I mean, I really only have 13 actual work days left and then I'm unemployed. I know the admin dept will miss me because they will have a bigger workload without me to do my part. But what about crazy Pocahontas? Will she miss me staring at her, all starry eyed and plugged into my headphones? Will IT guy miss our inside jokes and my inability to not wear a hat every Tuesday?

I had a date tonight and I cancelled it because I was tired from work. And I knew I'd be pulling atleast 10 hour days all week. Well, that was just a good excuse, actually. I think he bought it because I made myself sound really tired so he would definately know that it was fatigue and not an avoidance cancellation. Even though, in all honesty, it was an avoidance cancellation. We went out a few weeks ago and it was fun enough. But can someone get the straightjacket and ADD medication out? I mean how hard is it to sit still for 10 minutes and watch a movie? He was so hyper the whole time and happy. I was like--doesn't anything piss you off? Ever? Aren't you sad sometimes? Then I got him talking about his engagement that just ended a few months ago and he got all sad cause she ended it. He was trying to be upbeat and look at the shiny side of it, but I could tell he was sad. So I milked it. I focused on the misery and we ran with it. I made him talk about the sadness until he was calm and ready to be normal. I'm awesome, right? Except, no I'm not, because now he feels like he shared a personal part of his life with me so we are all bonded and BFF's. So obviously cancelling the date tonight was a good thing. Because we were going to sit out in the cold and watch the northern lights. Well kids, let me tell you something, I have learned something in my twenty four years and that is that "watching northern lights" is code for the big MO. Zipper Sparkin. Tonsil Hockey. No thanks, I'd rather spend my night doing something productive. Like knitting or catching up on episodes of The Office. The new season starts and I really need to see what became of Pam and Jim. So...if I'm Pam...who's my Jim counterpart? Do you think if I stay a receptionist for long enough I will find a Jim? I'm willing to put in a few extra months if there is a return of that caliber. Offices aren't so bad, you know.

Sep 7, 2006

You don't have to clean your room when you're on vacation

My blog went on a vacation for about a week. Because so did I.
And really, I'm still on vacation for another 3 days, so I'd better be fair and let my blog be on vacation, too.
It's had a long hard summer of no vacations at all. None at all. How is it to have a summer without a vacation? Surreal.
I don't know, ask my blog.