Jul 31, 2007

Me and Iggy

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

Lodge, I bid you a fond(ish) farewell. I will miss your large tracks of land, your cold AC on a hot July afternoon, your fireplace marshmallow roasts in midwinter, your lazy deck with the reading couch. But I will not miss your location. Or your absence of counter space in the kitchen. Or broken windows in the sun room.

Are Iggy and I happy to be moving?


Are we laughing at those who still have squirrel problems and the closest fun thing to do is to go to the McDonalds across the street?

Well, yes. Yes we are.

Jul 30, 2007

We found it!

Finally. After months and months of searching...I found a place to live! Me and Iggy leave our suburbian paradise tomorrow to lead a new life of City Dwellers!
After years and years of living on the outskirts of our Nations Capital, I am set to become its most popular resident. Years of preparation have gone into this move. The only other city I have lived in was Salt Lake City, and lets be honest, you can't really count that as a city. There were only like 3 or 4 homeless people that I saw on a regular basis. Here, they are on every corner and park bench. Which is utterly depressing, except for this story:

I walk through a small park every morning on my way to work and usually see the same 4 - 5 guys sleeping on benches and curled up on the grass in blankets. The other morning I was walking through and saw 2 pair of legs sticking out from under the blanket this time! Upon closer inspection, I realized it was a guy and a lady who were cuddling. It was so sweet and sincere, until I noticed that the guy was naked. I promptly vomited in my mouth and skipped off to work, where I spent the day happily collating and making Important Phone Calls.

It just goes to show that everybody needs somebody sometimes. And that everyone has a bit of the CuddleSlut in them.

Jul 24, 2007

I love you. Let me count the ways.

Everyone's favorite child star wizard! Child star wizard turned...blech. Why does he look so skeevy? I've been racking my brain to figure out how our cute little Potter turned from this into the adult he is today. Well, here are some things that I think would make Harry Potter look a little more...natural.

1. Tan. For the love of Hermione, get a freaking tan. You're skin is translucent and you are soon going to be mistaken for a dementor if you keep wearing black clothing.
2. Do something about those eyebrows! The problem is, the rest of him looks so girlish that the bushy eyebrows are just throwing me off. They look like caterpillers attacking his face. Take care of it.
3. Stop faking that smile. I think what good ol boy needs is one of those bite guards. I feel like he probably has grinded his teeth into nothingness. He always looks like he's just moving those chompers back and forth with his mouth closed. Just relax, geez.
4. Maybe sleep a little bit. Either that or lay off the drugs. Your eyes always look like a 22 year old college drop out. Red...watery...psychotic...I don't know. Maybe invest in some visine.
5. Stop posing in awkward positions for MENS magazines! Blech.

Seriously. If you just take these simple words of wisdom to heart, maybe you will be able to stop Voldemort. I mean, I haven't read book 7 yet and I don't know your fate, but I think you should hold on to atleast a little dignity. Start now.

Oh and as self-proclaimed facial hair advisor, please would you please stop trying to grow a beard? It's not working yet and it just makes you look a little more...skeevy.

Jul 23, 2007


I have been 25 for 77 days. 11 weeks of being in the midpoint of my twenty-something phase of life. So its only natural I would be going through a quarter life crisis, right?
I had a fabulous weekend. Fabuloso. In fact, I can't remember a better weekend I've had in the past few months. This may just be the best weekend of my 25th year to date. That is saying something.
This past Friday I went to Harry Potter mania in Alexandria. The main drag of Old Town was set up to look like Diagon Alley. It was awesome. Everyone was dressed up, kids and adults alike. There was talk of Quiddich Balls. Conspiracy Theories were discussed. Chocolate Frogs were eaten in massive quantities.
And Saturday was BABY DAY!!! My brothers and sisters all flew in from out of town and they brought their babies with them! But before I picked them up from the airport, I went for a drive with 2 of my favorite friends. We found the coolest little towns and villages. We drove on so many scenic byways. We are definately going back to go antiquing soon! I bought a bunch of peaches and made a delicious peach cobbler last night. Served so warm and gooey with vanilla bean ice cream!

Anyway this week is going to be full of babies, sisters, brothers, and moving. I think Iggy and I found an apartment. I just hope we can get all of our crap moved in time. Now that I don't have a car, I might have to rent a uhaul. Boo. But no way will I pay movers to come in and do it for me. I'm planning on getting down and dirty and very sore. If all goes according to plan, I will have a slipped disc by this time next week.

Jul 19, 2007

What cat are you?

Your Score: Longcat

54% Affectionate, 40% Excitable, 33% Hungry

Protector of truth.

Slayer of darkness.


Longcat may seem like just a regular lengthy cat, but he is, in fact, looong. For proof, observe the longpic.

It is prophesized that Longcat and his archnemesis Tacgnol will battle for supremacy on Caturday. The outcome will change the face of the world, and indeed the very fabric of lolcatdom, forever.

Be grateful that the test has chosen you, and only you, to have this title.

To see all possible results, checka dis.

Link: The Which Lolcat Are You? Test written by GumOtaku on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Jul 16, 2007

Things and Upcoming Things

I'd like to say the reason I haven't posted in awhile is because I've been doing amazing and interesting things. Going on trips around the world! Experimenting in my lab of very toxic chemicals, creating a cure for poverty and hunger! Flying my balloon chair around the Great Basin!

Sadly, I did none of those things. Although, it does inspire some ideas for future Plans of Fun.

I guess I can say the reason is owed to my extreme fatigue from last week. I thought it would be a fun idea to not sleep at all and instead fill my life with apartment searching, concert going, Tapas eating, etc.

Me and Iggy are looking for a new apartment in The City. We are having one hell of time, but I'm feeling good about this week. Stay tuned.

Le Loup is back on the tour circut. We went to DC9 to catch their show last week and were up close and personal. I was inches away from Christian, the lead singer and conductor and rabble rouser of Le Loup. It was very personal, and mildly uncomfortable. But they put on an amazing show! This was my 4th time seeing them, I think more than I've seen any band previously. Second in line would be Iron & Wine, who I've seen 3 times. If you are living on the east coast, please do yourself a favor and see Le Loup now.

I ate at a yummy Tapas place in Clarendon. La Tasca is a fabulous place to go, especially on a sweaty post-work evening. It is a beautiful 3 story restaurant in a very open and airy spanish styled interior. We tried the grilled asparagus, the manchego cheese (I LOVE manchego cheese!), and some smoked salmon, along with grilled fish. It was all so delicious that we were able to look past the fact that our waiter was a complete jack ass.

I made a delectable dinner of quinoa salad with black beans, corn and peppers, grilled curried tilapia w/ mango salsa, and a green salad. It was pure unadulterated satisfaction. I am also trying to master this recipe for a yummy summer sundae, but can't seem to stop the marshmallow creme from freezing on the ice cream. Anyone know any tricks?

I saw the dumbest movie ever. Please, for the sake of having children, never see Knocked Up. Especially don't see it at 12:30 AM. I want those 2 hours and 13 minutes back.

This week is shaping up to be one of the most exciting weeks ever! I'll try to post more regularly and take pictures. I lost my camera battery charger and I've been too lazy to search for it. But the documentation will soon start and I know you all wanna see pictures of my hot body...I'll get on that.

Jul 11, 2007

7-11=Pure happiness

It's FREE SLURPEE DAY today!!! Don't forget to stop by a 7-11 atleast 3 times to claim your free path to brainfreeze paradise! I just hope the 7-11 that I end up going to has more flavors than Coca-Cola and Cherry. Can we say 1993? Get some new flavors, slurpee people. Geez.

Jul 9, 2007

Sometimes I think that I am part of one big fat diet coke commercial

And then I realize, Oh, wait. It's just another day in the office.

Sounds like my life in bed won't be too exciting

What is the significance of a fortune cookie that has no fortune inside?!?

Jul 6, 2007

I have a dream! Well...I had a dream.

I think I need a new job. I've reached a lull and I can't even concentrate on ANYthing. Maybe it's because I'm drugged up or maybe it's because there just really isn't that much going on in the office lately. Not sure.

Anyway I really want to share some dreams with you. Now before you click onto your next blog and never visit this one again, I have to tell you this isn't one of those silly "lets analyze my dreams and figure my life out" blogs. Its just something to expose you to the juiciness that is my life.
I don't know if it's the percocet or the loritab or the sleep deprivation, but my dreams have been totally cracked out lately.

1. Two people I work with got married for no apparent reason after I had been gone for a week.
2. Lindsay Lohan was my friend and roommate and let me borrow her dresses for a party. She was really nice in the dream because she had just gotten out of rehab. And she had the prettiest dresses and she's not even a bitch at all like everyone says she is. She was her good old Parent Trap self again.
3. I was a hooker in a bar. When I say hooker, I mean bartender. And I was wearing ripped up tights and cut off jeans shorts. It was icky. And by icky I mean dead sexy.
4. I gave birth to a baby who was already talking. And the baby was telling me everything I was doing wrong and told me to get an education and stop dreaming about the Peace Corps because the Peace Corps isn't even a legit institution. And come on guys, how can you even argue with a talking baby? You can't! You just can't argue with a talking baby.
5. Robert Deniro was my lover and we lived in a warehouse in some Asian city. It was a cool renovated warehouse and decorated with awesome modern furniture that was all oddly shaped. And spotlights everywhere. Did I mention Robert DeNiro was my lover! I mean, weird! He's got that mole and everything. I just can't get down with that. Even though is is kind of a sex machine from what I hear. Rowr.

How can anyone ever want to wake up with dreams like these? Well, because the kids need new shoes thats why. And someone has to bring home the veggie bacon.

The 7th inning stretch


Nothing says summer like an evening baseball game on a school night. Tons of people from all, i mean it ALL walks of life to join in on one of America's favorite past times. We all cheer together. We all wave our respective teams' baseball caps together. We all stand up for the 7th inning stretch. We all marvel at how the guy in the checked blazer matches his hot dog paper. It makes you feel like a kid again and remember the good ole days of no bills, late night baseball games in the backyard, and catching lightning bugs in a mason jar.

Last night the Cubs beat the Nationals and it was a swell game. Fly balls flew into the crowd in great abundance and one came within mere seats of us! It's hard to be in a bad mood a baseball game, even if your head feels like its going to explode from recent wisdom tooth extraction.

But the thing which interested our particular group the most was the song played when each player walked up to bat. It seemed to us as though each player was able to pick his own song to get him fired up for the impending home run hit. Which of course led us to the next discussion: If you had your choice of song for batting, what would this song be?

Aaron's was some AC/DC song. Maybe Hells Bells. I could see that. Its a powerful song. It gets you fired up, I'm sure. I mean the crowd could really get into it.
Mark's song was Welcome to the Jungle. A surefire way to get you in the mood to smack the crap out of anything. Definately a good homerun song.
My song was a Django Reinhardt tune because I've been in the jazzy 30's mood lately. And baseball games remind me of that era in particular. I don't know how the crowd would feel, but I would surely hit a home run every time.

Iggy's song was by far my favorite. She went with the old standard "Fields of Gold" by Sting. So Classic!
Why didn't I think of that? Could you imagine every time you walked out to the field to bat, some ballad coming on that belongs on afterhours with Glen Hollis, dedicated to Mallory from Steven and he hopes you know how much his love burns for you...you get the idea. Well done, Blodgetron.

So lets hear it. What would your homerun hitter song be?

Jul 5, 2007

So big deal. What if I DO want this haircut?

It's kind of a mullet, kind of a bob. Confusing as it may sound, it looks so adorable. I love the look of a fresh haircut!

I'm recovering, but I'm not enjoying it

Sorry its been awhile, I was on vacation! Only it wasn't a vacation I would like to repeat. Not. Ever.
Last Thursday I went through a painful surgery, for which I was knocked out. I finally got all of my wisdom teeth out and I feel empty, soul-less and hungry. I tried eating solid foods, but because I only chew with my front teeth I end up looking like a rabbit or my food doesn't get chewed and my stomach hurts. Like it is now. Basically I am miserable and I wish they would've knocked me out for a week because I feel like I just lost a week of my life anyway. Despite my grumblings, I suppose I did accomplish an exorbitant amount of tasks, given the circumstances. Here is what I've done in the past week:
1. Watch all of season 5 Alias (reignite my Vaughn love)
2. Watch about 10 other movies, including The Princess Bride, Nowhere in Africa, Manhattan, and Jurassic Park
3. Got some quality Dad time
4. Tried fun and exciting new smoothie recipes
5. Went to a morrissey concert
6. Threw up
7. Kept my tongue away from my sutures
8. Slept
9. OD'd on percocet
10. Not worked
11. Slept

So you see, not a complete waste of a week.

Now I am back at work, after a week off, and eating mashed bananas, mashed potatos, and any other foods I can get my grubby hands on that is mashed. Anyone have any suggestions? I'm dying here and the blood clots aren't healing properly. Certain people keep making me laugh and are slowing the healing process. That needs to stop.