Jun 12, 2014

Feeling a lot of the things

I woke up this morning with a lump in my throat. I was grumpy. I didn't want to see the sun, I wanted a good old fashioned gloomy London day, thank you very much. I made some toast for Henry and me, drank some ice cold water, and just thought about the state of things. Then Henry tugged on my pants and pulled me into his room to play ramp.

If there's one piece of advice I can give, it is that there is no use in arguing with a two-year old. So off to play ramp, we went. His ramp is this gargantuan plastic Fisher Price thing that he remains obsessed with after 7 months of play. Not bad. We send all the cars down, they get in a traffic jam, we fix it, then we start all over again. Today, it was just the thing I needed to let my mind wander.

My mind wandered to change. I've really been wanting to move in recent weeks - to a bigger place, more centrally located to the great (free) museums in West London so we can have an activity outside the house easily on rainy days. But that seems impossible at the moment, so instead I decided right then and there I would rearrange Henry's entire room. First I pushed the crib up against the window. The chi was all wrong, so I pulled out the rolled up rug that's been sitting under the sofa since we moved in and laid it out in Henry's room, put his crib on the rug, threw down a sheepskin, and put a box filled with his books for reading time. It felt so much better to establish a little place for us to read every day and night. Hen loves it, too. After we finished rearranging, he took a look around and told me - It looks great! Haha. Thanks Henry. I think the change helped to clear my mind a little bit.

Mark came home from work early and I took the tube to Oxford Circus to do some wandering and Fathers Day shopping (and candy shopping, thank you very much Sugar Sin), and I came home exhausted. Physically, mentally, emotionally. There are many reasons for this, I think, maybe the feeling of unanswerable questions is too much for me.

Even now I sit here, wondering why I'm writing this blog post other than to help me remember that today was a day I struggled with too many thoughts about things I don't understand. These are strange times for many.

4 comments:

hanner said...

it was hard for me yesterday too for the same incident, which was actually surprising in many ways for me (my reaction, that is). and like you said, "things i don't understand." feeling the feels is tough. i love you!

Patience said...

Le sigh for sure. I feel so helpless.

Meg Morley Walter said...

I've been having a really hard time with the events of this week.

Sokphal said...

I actually didn't realize this was going on until now. Even though I don't align myself with the LDS faith anymore - I was happy that the Church was (slowly) becoming more welcoming to diverse backgrounds and thoughts... this is a step backward. :/ On a brighter note - Henry is still adorable as ever. :)