I'm in this weird place where I feel empowered, but also helpless. Anxious, yet calm. Confident in next steps, yet unwilling to make things happen to move there.
Do you ever get this way?
Since I got pregnant with Henry, I've felt like my brain has been cloudy, and I have moments of extreme clarity that are later disregarded for a TV show or washing dishes, or going to bed at 9pm. Maybe I just need some sleep.
In all honesty, there is a lot of change afoot in our part of the world, and we can allow it to happen, or we can continue to push it away. But Mark and I are both in need of the change. I know we are. Becoming parents and taking on new responsibilities, new love, new meaning in life -- all that -- has changed us. Made us want to be better, for ourselves for our Henry. And so what do we do with that? For now, nothing. But we are building, planning, making our way. Some day soon, we will do the things we need to do to bring the change.
But for now...we wait. Probably the worst 4 letter word in the whole English language, would you agree?