Jan 30, 2014

The view from 2014.

With hindsight being 20/20 and all, I really screwed up that last half of 2013. I let fear, anxiety, and unfamiliarity eat me alive and reduce me to a shell of myself. Moving is stressful, and moving to a new country without knowing anyone or anything really did a number on me. Six weeks back at home, letting others help me through life for a bit, revisiting my childhood and bits of my previous life in DC, really gave me something I was lacking: perspective.

When we moved to London, I was excited for the adventure of it all. But once things settled down and routines kicked in, it seemed like less of an adventure, and more of a new, mundane life that just felt unfamiliar and empty. I felt that I had made a mistake moving to London and we should have stayed in DC where life was pretty good. It was an awful feeling, especially because I had lobbied so hard to get us here in UK. But, perspective does funny things to a person. Being home for six weeks, around family, friends, Target, and mexican food was absolutely soul-restoring. We did a few things and we got to spend time with people we love. 

Hannah and cutie baby Rhoda 

Henny and sweet cousin Iris on Christmas morning

 Trains at the Botanical Gardens (someone was excited)

Tickling the ivories

My Dad got this disney band for Christmas and Henry played with them all day, every day. It was super cute, but after about 2 days of that, I had to hide them to preserve sanity.

Ronan and Henry at the museum

Sometimes he remembers he has pockets

 The sea lion stared at Hen like this for 2 minutes straight. I had to take the apple away from him because animal cruelty is no joke.

Lots of racing up and down these stairs with cousin Lincoln

Papa teaches Hen how to catch snowflakes the right way

And as much as I love all the above mentioned things (and I do), and the familiarity of it all, it just didn't feel like it used to feel. I drove through our old neighborhood a few times, and even by our old Linden Place house, and it just felt so different. My life - my husband, my books, my bed, my kitchen, the parks we love - are all here in London now. Being home in DC/VA made me realize that we've not only moved, but we have moved on somehow. And whatever life we made elsewhere is carried on with us. I know this might sound so obvious, but I just had never internalized it before this month. I love our life here. I'm excited and thrilled to call London home, and live - not just the adventurous days, but the mundane routines of the day, too. Because my home is here. My family is here, and so my heart comes along, too. DC will always be "home" to us, and we may move back someday, but for now I really love this current stage in our life in London.

Being away from Mark for a month was hard and stupid, but the perspective I've gained restored faith in myself, and I think now we can really get down to just enjoying our new life here. I think 2014 will be our best year yet, and plans are already underway to make sure of that!

1 comment:

hanner said...

i hate that life lessons have to suck as you're going through them. can't there be an easier way??

we miss you guys but having you back was so nice, like you hadn't been gone at all! we were so spoiled having you for a whole extra month. glad that you're back settled at home!! xoxoxoxoxooxo