Mar 15, 2012

4 months.

4 months old today!
4 months with the Henry. Please indulge me while I do some self-reflecting.

I never understood what it meant to be a mother. I truly was dumb about how much WORK it takes to raise a baby. everyone says it's so rewarding and to "enjoy every day" because it passes so quickly. while that may be true i have to admit, during the first few months, i did not enjoy every day. i felt really guilty about it every time someone would ask me, how's it going? i was just thinking - oh, i am drowning. how are you? some days were just really hard and when you are so completely exhausted, it feels like it will never change and now you are a mom with a crying baby and forget about your former life of quiet contemplation, stress-free days and nights, and when your biggest worry was should i have pizza or thai for dinner. i'm half joking, but you know what i mean?

but then...something magical happens. things start falling into place. the baby starts sleeping longer. the smiles come. the recognition that i'm his mom. the kicking legs and wide-open mouth every time he sees me after a nap. mama and daddy are sleeping better. i've always loved Henry since I first laid eyes on him, and heck even before when he was growing in my belly, but this past month must be what the Renaissance felt like. LIFE! LOVE! PURSUIT OF BABY HAPPINESS!
i didn't think motherhood would come to me naturally. the first 3 months were hard, and made me doubt myself and my ability to take care of this little guy. but now i finally feel like things are clicking into place. i just love every single second spent with him. and i miss newborn Henry. i really didn't know how FAST babies grow or i would have appreciated that first month so much more! it makes me want another little baby in my arms right now. so so precious.

so what's henry up to at his 4 month mark?
Henry, you are a complete gem. At 16 lbs 11 oz, you are a lot of baby. We love our chubby little guy. Everyone who sees you always says one of two things: "those cheeks!" and "what a serious face!". whatever we're doing, we can guarantee that you are into it and you are focused.
Every day you have a little conversation with us. In the mornings, we hear you playing in your crib with your ooohhohhh ooooo's and little squeals, and as soon as you see me, you get this huge smile on your face and open your mouth so wide! such a happy baby! you love to play with mama or daddy in the mornings. we read books, play with toys, play with your baby gym. you love the airplane game, and so far it's one of the only ways we can get you to laugh.
sometimes you laugh when i sing silly songs. that makes me so happy.
you chew on your fingers nonstop. dad thinks your going to be a thumbsucker and i say better a thumbsucker than a pacifier baby! at least you can never lose that thumb in the middle of the night. we've had a few encounters with pacifiers falling out at night. no fun for anyone! :)
you have started to really check us out while we're eating. you stare at the it go into our mouths...and stare back at the plate. i have a feeling as soon as you can start grabbing, you're going to start wanting some adult food. yikes, i'm not ready for that!
we've started going for walks around our new neighborhood, with you facing out in the baby bjorn. dad and me think you believe you are walking by yourself and that's why you like it so much. as soon as we turn you around to face us, you protest! you are so independent already, little man. it's so fun to watch you look at a cat or stare at a squirrel.
you are starting to sleep much better. between 10-11 hours at night, you'll usually wake up once and we give you a little hug and you'll go back to sleep.
we love you ridiculous amounts, mr. henry. happy 4 months, indeed.


tipi tai said...

that top picture kills me. Looks like he's just easing his way through an interview, or something. Also, his resemblance to your dad and MAT is uncanny! Little human!


hanner said...

i agree, that picture is THE BEST. also, i really appreciate your honesty about your learning process. i can't even pretend to understand anything about motherhood but i imagine it's much harder than most people make it out to be. you are doing such a great job! and i have to admit, when we came over that one night and hen was happy and smiling when i was holding him was pretty much the highlight of my week. you've made a great baby.

Josh and Leslie said...

He is seriously the cutest, Julie! And don't think you are the only mom out there who thought there where/are days that you just might not make it through! But, oh yes...the hugs, smiles, laughter...we do it all over again just for that!! And just when you think you couldn't possibly love them anymore...they surprise you with much, much more! P.S. I love his wee lil' toes :)

Laura K said...

Is it weird to make someone elses baby the background on your phone? Cause I just might

P-Cute said...

the pictures of little henry on the sofa are to DIE for! so cute. And here's to drowning- I'm diving in, hopefully sometime this week :).

emily said...

I also thought he might want to interview me.
ps I think you're a great mother and I haven't even seen you in live action.

Lisa Maria said...

this post warms my heart. i feel like it'll be really sweet for you and him to look back on these posts. and i feel like i will definitely looking back on your posts when my time comes, haha. i can see your honesty being a huge comfort! congratulations on four months, you guys!

The Sullengers said...

You are not the only one! I go through some serious post partum after having kids - especially after Hudson. It took me months to feel better, but you do and life is wonderful (for the most part). A couple times a week I feel like the worst mom that has ever lived, but I think a lot of mom's feel that way! With Roxie, I didn't feel like I was drowning as long, so it does get better with the next kid, but it also has a lot more other things to go with it! :) You are doing great and he is adorable!

ST said...

He is getting cuter and cuter! Love that smile. He looks so grown up sitting up like that.

communikate. said...

man, he's cute!

mj said...

I so get this. I even used the same dang metaphor during Adele's first months. I felt like I was drowning, then furiously treading water, and then finally, around four months, like I could swim--at least dog paddle anyway. I am not a great newborn mom and I think that's okay as long as I get the job done. (Besides, I rock as a toddler mom.) The new one is a million times easier but still I can't wait til he's a month old. And then four months! Heaven!

mj said...

P.s., He is adorable.