on awkwardness

It happens to the best of us. You are planning on playing it cool and being "part of the crowd, etc" and you choke. Every time, you do. What, you don't? Bastard. Well...I guess I have my moments.

Whenever I talk to new people I use words and phrases that I would normally never EVER use. Allow me to present to you awkward phrases from Gnomie's closet:

"Will do."
"Alrighty."
"Nice weather, we're having today, eh?"

Ok I can't really think of any else right now, but trust me - I have an arsenal of quips and phrases. I especially suffer from something I'll refer to as "The Chandler Effect". When I first meet people I act like a goof. I don't know why I do it, maybe to help them relax or put myself at ease. But it's not always well received (I don't even understand WHY, my jokes are ALWAYS on par!!).

Anyway (yes, anyway) I'm trying to overcome these habits and just act myself. I guess everyone has a little front they put up, and mine has DEFINITELY fallen down a bit over the years, which I count as a success. OMG, I used to be ridiculous and try to pretend I was somebody I wasn't (ranging from drug-addicted hipster to saintly mother-teresa-esque figure) but I'm normalizing. If that's possible.

School is incredible. I don't even know what to say. So much good, so much difficulty, so...much. And my harddrive crashed today so that SUCKS. But now I get to buy a new computer, which RULES!!

The August Diet

I don't have any money. Or not nearly as much as I would like. *Cue the violin*

I mean, what's the point in being so drop dead sexy if you are not rich? I have to cover these gorgeous feet with expensive shoes! I need that new wool winter coat with the darling buttons, even if it is 97 degrees outside! I need to be surrounded by beautiful things and eat healthy, organic, foods that cost atleast $12 a pound!

After musing over these thoughts all day yesterday I came to a conclusion. I am the worst kind of consumer. I am a Consumer in Denial. I didn't realize how much I have been spending and wanting and thinking about silly things to buy all the time, until I saw this video.

And so, I am putting myself on an August Diet. No purchases of frivolity for the entire month. No shoes, no clothes, no trinkets for my desk, no new frames to hang on my walls, no candles, no expensive restaurants, no movies, no NOTHING! If I'm going to save for South America, I need to start somewhere. Mark my words, I will not purchase anything for the remaining 25 days {barring any unforeseen circumstances and/or trips out of town where I might have to splurge a tiny bit}.

It's AUGUST DIET!!!

Sometimes it helps being a somewhat youthful, mildly attractive woman

I've had a UPS package to send out for about a week and have been putting it off for personal reasons (I have a severe case of Procrastination. Don't worry it's not contagious, but you probably already have it anyway). So today I brought the package to work. Only to find out that 2 days ago we decided to stop having a UPS pickup here. We have switched to a Fed-ex monopoly sitution, which I think is a horribly inefficient idea (hello! FED-EX won't ship to PO Boxes. Whatever.).

So I decided to do the only thing I could do. I would venture out into the hundred degree weather with my box. Today I decided to wear a really cute white skirt with black flowers and a black (very tight) tshirt. Sometimes, especially in the sun, this tshirt is somewhat see through. I know, not the kind of thing you want to wear to work, but I couldn't find any clothes after the move. This was the best I could come up with for a Wednesday. Oh did I mention I just got a new pair of shoes that I love?! I wore those today, too.

I'm walking down the street, holding my box, swinging my birthing hips, my toenail polish glimmering in the sunlight. Keep in mind I have no idea where I'm going. Just kind of walking around looking for a UPS store. Very ignorant of me, I know. I walk no further than 2 blocks when I see it. A heaven sent gift from straight above, a big fat brown UPS truck! A UPS man in brown was chucking boxes around in the back of the truck and I realized I had a decision to make.

Usually, I wouldn't want to interrupt the Man Hard at Work. But usually, I'm not as attractive as I was today.

I timidly walked over to the truck and asked him if I could give him my package.

He then retorted "Only if I can give you mine".

Kidding.

But I'm sure that's what he was thinking. I mean, NEW SHOES, guys! It does things to you. Maybe this is why I have my addiction to shoes. They give me superpowers, like being able to interrupt people wearing brown uniforms. That is a quality super power, if you ask me.

Social Experiment #1: Dressing Like a Republican

Sometimes in life, it is necessary to step outside one's comfort zone. I decided today was the day. As I was deliberating on outfit choices last night, I put together a skirt and collared shirt combo. Very cute. As soon as I put it on, however, I realized I looked like a flaming conservative republican. Neatly pressed shirt in a conservative color. A khaki "safe" knee-length skirt. Brown peep-toe stilettos. Conservative jewelry. It all looks pretty good. I mean, I'm wearing it right now and I feel fine.

Here is the interesting part: I have been getting compliments all day...from republicans!! They all love my skirt! The shoes are so cute! So I have decided that this is the first of many social experiments involving politically swayed outfits. Stay tuned. Oh, does anyone have a peace sign necklace and bellbottoms I can borrow?