Happiness. is. two kinds of ice cream

I have two things in my life that are so comforting.

1. As aforementioned, my wisdom teeth are coming in. While they give me the occasional splitting headache, I'm usually able to manage, given that I have nothing else in my life to stress me out. I feel almost like I'm having a baby. The only one that has impacted is my top right molar(my right, your left). It erupted about a week ago and I check it constantly with my tounge tip. It is still an unfamiliar sensation, but I am getting used to it. And like I said, it's kind of like a babby. Every day it comes in a little more. I have something growing inside of me that is coming forth into the world to experince things like seeds of raspberries, plaque, and decay. What a beautiful thing. Like a child, my tooth allows me to receive the necessary headaches and problems anyone would experience. But the joy it brings to your life is no comparison to the hard times. I'm really getting attached. So if I get them removed (gulp), is that like...getting an abortion?

2. I've been using my house phone to make and receive calls for the past week. Like a oversized, fluffy blanket on a cold morning, having a large phone against your head feels like home. There is something to be said about the fact that phones had both a device to reach your ear and to place in front of your mouth. This produces a better ability to more clearly hear the caller and vice versa. Something that reminds me about staying up late, talking to Steve or catching the latest gossip from my middle school friends, feels wonderful while I hold the large receiver, pressed up close to my ear. I can lean my head to my neck and hold the phone again! I can twirl the phone cord through my fingers again! I can't walk too far because the cord won't allow me to do so! Gramma may have to hop over the cord that is stretched out to my bedroom! I want to wear a big tie-dye shirt, perm my hair, and flop down on my bed with the phone cuddled up to my ear.
Once I'm landlineless again, I may have to invest in this:



3. I've also been listening to "If You Rescue Me", the song from the movie Science of Sleep. A velvet underground cover worth checking out.

You're certainly making a big to do about this

Great and important things I have learned since my return:

1. Friends Season 3 is waaaaay better than Friends Season 2.
2. Banana pecan pancakes are a great way to wake up at 3 PM.
3. If your dad tells you not to paint the kitchen blue, it's funny to come home with paint samples and pretend you might do it anyway.
4. Grandma's get up 3-4 times a night and play solataire by themselves.
5. Girls over 30 hold grudges against younger, prettier girls who are more fun than them.
6. America's Funniest Home Videos is on at all hours of the day. Always.
7. Having a cell phone is so 2004. Landlines are the new cellphone.
8. Being the only kid home in a divorced parent situation really bodes well for quality time well spent.
9. Star Trek is still one of the best shows on television.
10. Having two bedrooms is the only living situation anyone should stand for. A sleeping area, a napping area, a staging area, a dressing area...no more couch surfing for me! (Unless the couch is in one of my many bedrooms).

And thats only the first week!
Stay tuned for next week when I rent a movie, go to a fair, babysit a witch, and conquer the doctor with my pills!

ode to ugly

I hate Vanessa Williams.
I hate her stupid role on that dumb show Ugly Betty.
I hate her "get stuck in your head" song "Save the Best for Last", even though I sang it in a duet with Lauren C. in 7th grade.
I hate how even after she won Miss USA pagent, she exposed her ladybits for all to see why she is so beauty-ful.
I hate every movie I've ever seen her in, especially because it normally involves her singing.

I need to live in a Vanessa Williams-less universe.
And while we're altering the universe, can I also make the public sale and wearing of man-pri's illegal? Oh and bring back saturday morning cartoons. The GOOD ones, with bugs and the whole gang. Even Captain Planet and Gummi Bears.

traveling through time

I love Tucson. And I love New Mexico. These are two things I never thought I would say. Well...I guess I'm not too suprised about New Mexico, because it's so lovely and enchanting, but never Tucson. I was recently in both of these places nearly 10 days ago and I miss them. I don't know how you can miss something you only experienced for less than a day, but my feelings for the southwest changed when I went to Tucson. My friend and I drove through Saguaro National Park in Tucson and it was unreal. The first time I saw a cactus in real life, I thought "how ugly" and "Get me back to the east coast where there is actual scenery". But apparently all that has changed.
Why the change? I don't understand why I am drawn to Tucson. But here are some hypotheses:
1. Whilst driving through the Saguaro National Forest, I rolled down the windows, pumped up the Calexico (which, come to find out, is actually the perfect soundtrack to the Southwest--if you haven't heard them, please remedy this), pulled on the shades, and coasted through the beautiful, winding roads dotted with cacti and trailers. If I were to move to Tucson, I would have to live in a trailer or some obscure house minus red roof and adobe plaster walls. And if anyone ever managed to slip in sea green and adobe pink ornamentation or indian garbage to decorate my walls, I would bring the hurt on. There's nothing I hate more about the southwest than southwest decor.
2. Anyway point number 2 is that after perfectly setting the scene, I had a semi-full bank account, a car, and one of my most favorite people in the world in the passengers seat, so Tucson was a breeze. It gave me good weather, beautiful scenery, and an amazing sunset.

Then, driving through New Mexico was probably one of the best days of my life, minus that one day when I beat my brother in Monopoly and of course the day I discovered us magazine has a blog. As one of the contenders of the best day of my life, here is what is held for me:

1. Jagged enchanting mountain ranges
2. Alien crash sites

3. government conspiracies
4. Free hotcakes and apple cider
5. Free entrance to museums
6. Bright sun and blue sky

Apparently, that's all I need to make me happy.

Don't even get me started on Texas. Within 10 seconds of crossing from NM to Texas, I realized we were lost and then 20 minutes later, Rocky Votolato blew out my speakers. Thats when I knew I should have listened to my gut that has always told me to stay far away from The Lonestar State.

Now that I am home in Virginia, I find myself missing that which I never had. Sure, the trees here are beautiful. Sure, the absence of mountains is a drastic change in my life. Sure, everyone here drives a BMW or Mercedes and I am kickin it in the 94 suby wagon. But somehow, I'm not currently fulfilled. Maybe once I get a job and stop relying on my grandma for entertainment, I will be a little more satisfied. I'm definately not sad or depressed or anything like that.
I'm just feeling...displaced.

Wanna snickers?

When I started this blog, I had my reservations. But I was inspired by a good friend of mine, who I have blogged about previously. This good friend takes shape in the human form of Eric.


I recently visited Eric in the land of Salt, where he was kind enough to entertain not only myself, but my ol chum Leslie, too. He bought us a big huge coffee cake. It was strawberrily rapturous.


We talked about moose meat.Eric is one of my oldest friends, therefore, we laughed about the old times. Like one time when him and his roommates stole all of the shoes from the Hot Girls apartment and they were so mad at them. Or the time when they hung a cooler outside of their bedroom window to keep their drinks cold and expedite the obtainment of cold drinks. Or the time when Eric and Jon nailed skis to the bottom of their couch that was NOT a dumpster couch, rather the couch from the apartments in which they were living. CONTINENTAL APARTMENTS. And I don't know which number their apartment was, but if that couch is still in there, I hope you are enjoying the legacy you sit your scrawny ass upon day after day watching your pathetic little TV shows, filling the void in your sad, pathetic little life. But I digress.

Anyway so we talked about old times for a while. Then Eric gave me a little tour of his house. I got to see the lovely dining room, the kitchen where he makes hot tea, the bathroom where he reads The Far Side, and his study. I should probably tell you, if you don't already know, that Eric has a huge problem. A lot of guys have this problem. Even marrieds. He sits up late into the night in his study, wasting away the night hours staring at his computer. And he's not just staring, oh no, his mind is wandering as he looks at the computer screen, with his wife in the room right next to his. This dirty habit keeps his mind occupied all day and night as he passes people he works with or goes to school with. He is constantly thinking about getting back to his house so he can get on the internet and do what he does best. Blogging. He is the ultimate blogger. And here's where it all takes place:


Eric has got it goin on. And if you don't believe me, check this out:

He does a great impression of that guy from Goonies.

Lord of the Rings

Sit down for this one. I want you to take a moment with me and think about what is the scariest possible blind date you could ever be privy to experiencing? Is it with a murderer? A muppet? Perhaps a two-headed Chernobyl survivor? Or is it, in fact, somebody who thinks they are something other than what they are so desperately trying to portray?

Exhibit A:

The picture was a sneak picture, thus I apologize for the poor lighting. But, can you see the tawdry man?
Listen up, cool guy. Rings? RINGS? He had more rings on his fingers simultaneously than I have owned over my lifetime. He wore not one, but two necklackes. Do you know how I know this? Our gentleman and scholar was kind enough to leave 3 BUTTONS OPENED on his cool guy shirt. The necklaces sat on his chest, nestled comfortably amidst his tufts of glued on hair. And the bracelet. The bracelet. At what point in your early thirties lifetime do you decide it is a wise idea to slip into something a little more "ethnic" and wooden?
The crime this guy is committing is not as blatently obvious as a murder or a muppet impersonation, which is why it is so disturbing. He is perpatrating a Cool Guy and he is just Not a cool guy.
Please, please, please promise me that you, if you are a man, that you will take something from this free advice session. And if you are a girl, and you see this guy, please flick him. Flick him hard and in a good place that he will remember, like right under his nose, on the nostrils. Trust me when I say that it smarts.

Chompers and Jobs

Well, it's all come down to this.

My wisdom teeth are coming in and it is high time they were yanked from my mandible. I can't even eat hard cereal on the right side of my mouth.
So...I should probably get a job that will give me health insurance.

So...I should probably get a job.