Mar 5, 2007

Bad things come in three's...

There are some ridiculous people in the world.

I know a few.

Others have escaped my inner social circle, but I still continue to berate them silently and now, on Nomadic Nourishment.



1. Shannyn Sossaman.
You may know her better as Lady Jocelyn from A Knights Tale or the lady that one guy wanted a piece of in 40 days and 40 nights. Or whatever that silly movie was called. Or you may, in fact, know her as the mother of a handsome baby boy, Audio Science. I know what you're thinking. Why does she spell her name with a y? And to that I have to say: I don't know. I don't know. And just so we're clear, she is very much into aural equations and calculations. And naming her babies after her obsession with said equations. *Shudder


2. Italian Greyhounds
Please understand, I love animals. I love dogs. I love greyhounds. I even love Italians. But this dog is utterly ridiculous. You could snap its legs like a wishbone and everyone I've ever seen is constantly shaking. I'm assuming the shakes are due to either its lack of fat content or its constant fear of being sat on by a fat American. It won't go outside if it's too cold or rainy. It will not rough house like a normal dog. I guess it wouldn't be so ridiculous if they put it in another animal category such as Dwarf Horse or Phytoplankton.


3. Monaco.

Alright. So it's not a person. But Monaco is the 2nd smallest country in the world. I would have made fun of the smallest, but it is the Vatican City and I would for the Pope to be on my good side. Just in case I ever decide to become catholic or a choir boy. But Monaco is basically a country full of yachts, rich naked sunbathers and Misha Barton. And I can't respect a country whose tourists have never seen a fannie pack or consumed a can processed cheese in their lifetime.

These are the three that shall never enter the inner sanctum of friendship. Maybe I will let Audio Science into my inner circle, eventually. But only because we could make fun of his mother together.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

ummmm? that dog has five legs.......

Anonymous said...

Nope, I think that's his manhood, or doghood rather.

leslie said...

"Monaco isn't a person"- as though the Italian greyhound is. how can you "hate" Monaco? do you also hate Rhode Island? if so, is it because it isn't even an island?

come on, people. it's his tail. i'm all about pointing out the manhoods... er... doghoods of dogs where its due. but come on. its his skinny, slimy, constantly shaking, disgusting tail.

in a way i feel for the little fellow. i, too, will not go outside if it's too cold.

Anonymous said...

hey, i think a better country to be feeling a little silliness towards is Lichtenstein. First of all, I thought it was a fake country because of A Knight's Tale. Secondly, it was accidently invaded the other day by Switzerland's army. Hahaha.

Anonymous said...

If you think that Liechtenstein will stand for your insults, well, you're probably right. But give them a break. They're trying. Take it out on San Marino. Those bastards have it coming.

Anonymous said...

Hey julie, just as your mustache/moustache was corrected, my Lichtenstein/Liechtenstein was also edited. You have smart friends. I am so smart I am so smart S-M-R-T, i mean S-M-A-R-T.

Julie said...

well, leave it to the criticizers to point out the flaws. I'm sure they are just happy they could find a mistake in our perfect and charmed lives.

Eric said...

Let he who is without sin cast a boatfull of rocks.

Ms.LMC said...

Well I hope you're ready because I have a whole bunch of rocks to cast.

leslie said...

i thought Switzerland was The Neutral Country. if they are going to start invading everyone all of a sudden and be The New Vikings, who is going to be The New Switzerland?

Idaho Rob said...

Idaho

Anonymous said...

why does your blog archive say it's 2006? i edit for a living, i'm nitpicky about stuff like that

Anonymous said...

Its actually the dogs tail :P