Aug 10, 2006

A Fairly Good Day

I am a girl that despises certain things.
1.Pebbles in my shoe.
2.Creed and anything having to do with the singer, and the genre in general.
3.Black Jeans.Icky.

4.Tapping noises or beeping noises. I simply cannot handle them. I sold my car because it beeped entirely too much for someone in my condition.

5.The Fair. Despite the fact that I am an avid people watcher, cannot get past the fact that there are sad animals in cages, acne ridden teenagers groping each other on the ferris wheel, vats of grease waiting to erode stomach linings, and a various assortment of "local talent".

Sometimes I don't even have a reason for hating these things, except they encroach upon my life in such a way as to make me uncomfortable. People have called me a snob, but I don't think that's too accurate. Except that I do, and I am.

So imagine my surprise when I agreed to go the Tanana Valley State Fair! Me! The girl who is an openly admitted fair-basher! However, I received a free ticket from Nate, who understood my brazen hatred for all-things-fair, and was willing to walk me through it.

After bypassing the front gate, we entered The Fair. Panic, Shortness of Breath, and Wobbly Knees ensued. Then I heard loud banging and tapping sounds. Don't worry, it wasn't in my head, it was The Percussionists.

They probably drove their mothers crazy, but I guess it all paid off in the end! The guy in the corner is thinking "I wish I were a percussionist". The apple on the wall is thinking "Hmm...what would I look like with a sweet fade haircut like him?"

So then we decided we should go look at the poor animals in cages. Nate told me they were well cared for, and the only reason they were in cages is so people could come pick them out to take them home. How sweet! They wanted little animals of their own to care for. They were all in a barn, packed together like the variety packs of granola bars you can buy at the food store.

But then he told me that the animals were judged by how meaty they were, and the closer to first place, the higher the price. Because the buyers kill them and eat them! I don't think this little guy suspects a thing.

Because he started canoodling with his girlfriend when he thought nobody was looking.

This prize winning cow was so shocked at the blantant display of PDA, that he piddled a bit in front of everyone. There is a look a shame in his eyes.

I think I will just stick with these 2 puppies for my choice of animal. And they are just too cute to eat.

After animal farm, we decided that it would be a good idea to ride on of the rides. The hurricane promised to send us on a whirlwind of adventure. Look at all those people in line!

But, then we saw the old standard. The Bumper Cars. Yay! This sounds like salvation to me!

So, bumper cars it was going to be. That is until we saw The Ride We Had Been Waiting For.

The Gravitron. It had unknowingly been calling me since my short lived relationship with The Time Shaft at Kings Dominion, a favorite ride from my childhood. These kids had ridden it many times and told me that everything was cool. There was nothing to be worried about cause it was just some big time fun.

Nate tried to be cool, but he was seriously nervous.
He's thinking, Julie, this better not be one of those things you promise to be the Best Thing Ever and then is the complete opposite.

Then when we got stuck to the wall and couldn't even lift our heads up, we knew we'd been Gravitroned. This is what is feels like to be Gravitroned:

Luckily my face only stayed like that for about 5 1/2 hours, but I didn't mind. I kept getting compliments on my botox treatment.

So, maybe the fair isn't all bad. I got to hold puppies, oogle farm animals, and go on the most exciting ride this side of Canada. Oh, did I mention I bought this lovely ensemble? You know, just in case I want to go to a sporting event, I'm pretty much covered.


dävid said...

what the hell is a cavie?

Laura said...

you know they say that all-denim is out of style, but what they really mean is that in order to wear all denim, you need to decorate it in a manner befitting a racing suit. well done my friend.

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