Aug 31, 2006

The Jello Belt

You know the bible belt? It goes through the majority of the southern states and is comprised of the Praise Jesus type. You know it. I thought it was the only "belt".



I was so wrong. Did you also know that there is a Jello Belt? I'm not even kidding. It was even written in the internet scripture! Apparently, the great basiners love the crushed and boiled bones of animals that we so affectionately refer to as gelatin. They also love to make different salads and cakes out of it.

My friend makes this "killer Jell-o cake". Sorry, sweetie, but there is no such thing. A killer cake must have tons of chocolate in it to qualify. Or it should be pineapple upside down cake. But Jello? Save it for the bowl with marshmallows. And don't even get me started on lime jello with carrots.
Jell-o is also the official snack food of Utah. How did that happen? That is probably one of the biggest reasons I never felt comfortable as a resident of Utah. Also, something interesting is that the offical vegetable of Utah is the Spanish Sweet Onion. What the hell is that? I know I only lived there for a few years, but still.

I also was unaware that most states have their own "state food" and "state drink". Here are some that I found to be completely normal:

Alabama: Conecuh Ridge Alabama Fine Whiskey
Georgia: Grits
Idaho: Potato (clearly)
Massachusetts: Boston Cream Pie
New York: Apple
Oklahoma: Cornbread
Texas: Chili
Wisconsin: Milk

Here are some that are stretching it a little:

Washington: Blueberry Muffin
Pennsylvania: Chocolate Chip Cookie
Delaware: Milk
Michigan: Tart Cherries

Here are some that makes me think "this is why America is failing as a country":

Maine: Moxie. Moxie? What?
Illinois: Popcorn. What a lame ass excuse for a state food. Popcorn is every zipcodes food
Missouri: Toasted Ravioli. I actually ate this when I went to Missouri. A friend and I asked what was the missouri state food and he answered with the T.R. We thought we were being scammed. I guess not.
New Mexico: Bizcochito Right. What else would it be? What about a taco?
Rhode Island: Coffee Milk. Is it like 2 parts coffee, 1 part milk? Or 3 parts milk, 1/3 part coffee?
South Dakota: Kucken. Again, what?

Come on guys, get it together. Whatever happened to good ol French Fries and Bologna Sandwiches?