Thursdays with Leslie

maybe this is why I always dream about my teeth falling out

Look how I didn't blog for nearly ten days. What are the chances??!?

Maybe its due to a number of personal, professional, educational and medical downfalls.

Or maybe not. But I'm betting it is.

I went to the dentist today for the first time in over two years and was SHOCKED to find out that I didn't have any cavities. After my dentist told me how healthy my teeth looked, I was like "Look. Let me give it to you straight. I know I have tons of cavities because every morning I wake up and my teeth hurt soooo badly. And whenever I lay my head down, there is so much pressure. Stop your dentistal lying." To which she replied "Oh dearie.(shaking her head) You grind your teeth. We'll have to fit you with a bite guard."

Like hell you will.

The Many Faces of Gluttony or Massive Food Hangover

The food was in abundance. Thanks to all those who came! Another successful year of gluttony! This post is dedicated to my best friend, Spew.
The co-host Part uno
The co-host Part duex
Boys getting their mack on
Twins!
Marathon runners
Very tall people. Me=scared.
Me gusta short people.
Cute out-of-towners
Curly haired locals
These people get really excited for parties
Best friends from Arizona, reunited
Party people being awesome
Boyfriends were present
Birthday boys were present
Cute people were in abundance
Seriously, cute people everywhere. Even on the papasan.
Serious about food and parties.
Me, loving up on my blog buddy.

Party dresses - Right on Target

I'm looking for a party dress and target has a few pretty options for me to shake that ass during this holiday season.
Listen to this while you look at the dresses for maximum enjoyment:

My feet will take you there

This weekend should be interesting. There is tons going on (seems everyone is having a party of some sort), but I should be studying my brains out. I have to take the GRE on monday and I've been studying for the past month and intensely for the past week. I'm not too nervous, but I just want to get it out of the way.

And because I'm a boy scout at heart, I want to Be Prepared.

I feel like dancing, though. I want to dance through the weekend. Thanks Arizona roommate for the suggestion today. I've been foot dancing at my desk all morning. My feet look like this:


I really really need a monster or this day is shot.

TAGGED.

I've been tagged before, and I normally don't respond, but it was at the request of Iggy, whom I love and adore and therefore must do as commanded.

So, drumroll, in no particular order - 7 random things about myself...

1. I always let my toenails grow out because I forget about them. The only way I remember to cut them is when the nails start cutting into my other toes. TRUE STORY. THIS HAPPENS EVERY TIME. I’m disgusting.
2. I have had a reoccurring nightmare since I was about 10. In this nightmare, the details always change a little, but my teeth always fall out. Sometimes they fall out in clumps, other times the shatter like glass. I ALWAYS wake up and think that I am toothless. It’s terrifying.
3. I have a not-so-secret crush on bearded men. TH just shaved his beard because he’s currently in hot pursuit of a job, and I cried myself to sleep last night (not really, TH). But really, a bearded man in my humble opinion is the hottest thing since sliced toast.
4. I have to walk the exact same way to work every morning and I count my steps. I try to beat myself every day by taking less steps then the day before. We are moving offices and I get to start the game all over. I’m really very much excited.
5. I like to knit but I totally suck at it. Ask any of my nieces and nephews that I’ve made blankets and dolls for. I know one day I will be the crazy Knitting Aunt who knits sweaters that are too big and too ugly but the kids will be so sweet to me that I’ll never know they hate my creations. Thanks in advance, babies.
6. Tall people scare the crap out of me. I never realized this until I was walking home late one night and there was a very tall man walking towards me. I was sure he was going to kill me, but turns out I am still alive. Everytime I see a tall person, I stare and hold my purse a little tighter. It’s really unfounded, but I can’t stop the fear.
7. When I was younger, I used to have a theme every day for my clothes. Like I would wear black and white and a music note necklace and I was a keyboard. Or brown pants and a green shirt=tree. I still do this sometimes, although now it’s more like black short dress=common whore. OK, not really. But I think I need to start again. Tomorrow: Yellow and white=fried egg.

I'm going to tag some peeps: Lars, Jenny, and Eric - even though he doesn't really even BLOG anymore. Get on that, Eric. Oh and Jaylo, too.

Walking Follies

Someone just walked by my little cube.

They didn't just walk, however. They ran. Why would a person run in the office, you might be wondering? I'll tell you. I heard this person trip on something before they came into view, and they just pretended they were running instead of following through with the trip! It really made me laugh, because I do things like that all the time.
"Oh no, I totally wanted to start running after that large crack in the sidewalk. Yes, I've been planning on it since I saw the crack."

Right. We all know that running after a trip is a total waste of pride, because we KNOW what you're doing.

The Run After Tripping incident reminded me of something else I see. Walking to work in the morning, I walk beside a large glass-windowed building. I like to play a game with those walking in front of me. I like to count the number of times the person watches themselves walk. You would be amazed how many people are narcissistic around here. I mean, even as VAIN as I am - I only take a glance every once in a while. Certainly not every day and CERTAINLY not 10 times within one block! Good Grief.

Can you think of any other walking follies? I love a good tripping/falling story, as you might have heard.

Wicked score

I've had my eye on this gem since the day I started working here.
Because we are moving offices, they are disposing of some artwork and I was lucky, so lucky, to get to this before anyone else did!
I'm trying to figure out where to hang it in my humble abode. Something like this deserves a spotlight or it's own pet kitten or something.

Achtung! ISO Funeral Potatos recipe!

Seriously, because casseroles is how you make the friends.
Who has recipes?

Musculator Atrophy Red Alert!!

Last night TH and I were talking, ya know - just shootin the shit. While we were on the couch, I was kind of hunched over and I got the GREAT idea to show him The Bagel. For those of you who are less fortunate than I, and do not know what a bagel is, allow me to explain.
You know when you hunch over and your tummy gets some cute little rolls? Well, if you centralize those rolls by forming your thumbs and forefingers in a circle over your bellybutton area, then squeeze - tada! A Bagel!

I showed TH the rich and fabulous life of the Bagel and it was met, not with wonderment and a standing ovation like it DESERVES, but instead cringing and a lot of murmuring. As if, TH. I introduced a wonderful thing into your life last night, so learn to recognize.

Secondly, I decided it would be a good idea to roll up my sleeves on my tshirt because I'm just hot like this guy:
Anyway I started looking for my hot tricep to show off, cause lets be honest - that's how you really get a man - when I realized IT WAS GONE!!
My loving triceps, with whom I've had many good times and with whom I've scored many boyfriends and hot action, have fled. I have neglected them and they are but a shadow of my past.

Ladies and ladies, it is time to get back to the gym. Push ups every day! Come back to me, triceps!

Chats

It's Haiku Season.

me: angelina is writing for the economist now
Teen Heartthrob: jolie?
me: yep
TH: I actually support that
I've said it before, I respect what she does, how she uses her influence, and she was ridiculously impressive on larry king
me: maybe you should pen a haiku for her
TH: having difficulty

TH: She wields influence
With utopian vision
To lift the trodden

me: holy shnit
thats pretty good
i think you are in lub with her
TH: ha
totally
I hope you're jealous

(And he wonders why we have disagreements. Haiku means love. Clearly I only love monster and he is in a loving relationship with Angelina. I hope he likes children.)

sadness=increased Monster consumption

Waking up today was sad. I heard the rain and I just wanted to stay in bed. I wanted to call in sick. One of those days. Until I discovered THESE TIGHTS:

Than I paired them with a cute black skirt, a black sweater vest and a cute white ruffled shirt.

I looked seriously hot in my looking glass today.

I stole my roommates umbrella to keep me dry.
Then I bought this to ease my troubled mind:

Today, I'm kicking ass and taking names.

I seriously love Monster so much, I don't think you guys understand the level of comfort it brings me. It's the equivalent of my duckie blanket or Jenny's Pinkie that she STILL has after like 23 some odd years. And she gave it to her daughter to pass along the habit. I just hope she doesn't sniff it like Laura did with her old blanket. Aww, I want sniffing blanket Laura back.
I don't know what I'm going to do when they stop making the drink. Is this the sort of fear that came true for all of the Crystal Clear Pepsi fans? (Don't worry, there is totally a support group.)
A haiku for you:

Ginseng and Taurine
coat my pharynx with blue
Now I know true love

Now go have a great day, my little fauns. And if the day is wearing you down, look no further than your neighborhood grocer for the lo-carb Monster.

And on the 7th day, Gnomie rested

Finally! I got some well deserved sleep this weekend. And let me tell you, for all you guys who don't have the pleasure of sitting around all day Sunday - I feel very badly for you. I'd like to come help you out and take care of your Sunday business for you so you can take the day off.

After spending the night in a Richmond hotel on Friday night, getting up early and standing outside all day in the COLD weather, cheering on marathoners - I was pooped. I know that makes me sound like a lazy whiner, so I want to be very clear that I AM a lazy whiner. I mean, thousands of people are running this 26.2 race and I'm too lazy to stand and hold a sign for 3 hours? Yeah, I get the irony. But still, I hadn't been on a 3 month training regimen to hold a sign and cheer for 3 hours, so I wasn't ready for it. In fact, it has been since high school that I have stood and cheered for hours at a time, but I was usually in a short skirt and was all getting high off the fumes of flirting with boys. This time, I had the fumes of TH's meaty Shmeltz from Sheetz (amazing gas station with the best food EVER) to keep me company. The biggest flirt I got from him that day was to ask me if I wanted to share his mayonnaise and potato chips with him. Guh-ross.
At the marathon, waiting for IGGY!

Anyway, we went to see our little Iggy run her first marathon, in which she kicked major ass. Seriously, I'm sure she'll post about it soon - but I will tell you that she was fast as lightning. Is there anything this girl can't do??
She even gets down with the O'Douls. Rock tha party.

After watching all that running, TH and I were exhausted. We went to a quick choir program and then off to the house to watch Reality Bites - which just happens to be one of my favorite movies. Fell asleep on the futon around midnight and slept until 8:30, got up to watch a quick episode of Gossip Girl on my laptop, then I went back to sleep until 1:30! This girl knows how to sleep. Seriously, if you ever need lessons - I'm awesome. I'll share all my secrets.

So now its veterans day, a federal holiday - and the district is empty today! Parts of me wish I would've stayed home and slept today, until I remembered I have nothing to do except study for the GRE and I would MUCH rather be wasting time at work then studying. So there you have it.

Even when I party, I'm working

Me and TH and coworkers at a Superfun Work Party.
We were the youngest people there and I'm pretty sure this photo was only taken for documentation purposes.

Yes we DID! We definitely had some young people at that party. I'm sure of it...Where's that photo?
SEE? We DID.

I'm not sure why the proportions are so off in this picture. TH looks very small. And coworker on my left is definitely not that tall. Maybe the washed up illusionist magician David Copperfield took this picture.

Decisions are a dime a dozen.

Why did I come to work today?

1. I was late.
2. Friday breakfast was not what it usually is. Teensy bagels and grapes.
3. Our offices are moving in 2 weeks and everyone chose today to start packing.

Let's focus on #3.
The storage room is right across from my little cube. Apparently, today was the day that everyone felt they needed to start throwing things away and packing up crates. 6 garbage bags later, and with 5 people yelling and laughing and carrying on - I was literally trapped in my cube. I finally just got up, hopped over the garbage bags, and went downstairs to hang out with some coworkers. I seriously couldn't even work until about 30 minutes ago. And NOW the day is almost over! How am I supposed to find work to do in the next 2 1/2 hours?

Oh in other news, I don't think I'll be doing an international development MA after all. Grads from these programs keep spilling their regrets to me, and I'd rather not be a broke 28 year old who can't find a job and can't pay her student loans. Forget it. So...what do I do, then? I have other options, but I'm really thinking about just going for a PhD. Yeah, it's more commitment, and more dedication - but I'm actually a very dedicated and committed individual (contrary to popular belief).
The international degree would be so much fun and so interesting, but I've been afraid to apply to some program that would just waste my time. UnLESS I went to grad school in the UK, where the programs are only a year. Hey, why not? I like pims and The Clash and I even enjoy an occasional snog.

I need a life coach. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

More customer service issues

So I figured this year I would start early with Christmas presents. I've been doing some online shopping and found this great website that sells awesome writing supplies. I ordered something for one of my babbies, and I've been so excited to see what they look like when they arrive.

Until...I got an email today asking me to clarify the address. Here's how our email conversation went:

Gnomie,
Your order is printed but FedEx will not accept the ship to address that you provided Awesome Writing Supplies. What is going on?

-- Gail

No problem, I thought.

Gail,
Please ship to my billing address,
1234 ABC St
Washington, DC 20000

I'm not sure why the other address wouldn't work. It is a business address, the company's name is Gnomes R Us.
If it doesn't work, please use the billing address.

Thanks,

Gnomie
And here is her audacious reply.

Gnomie, I spoke to the receptionist and got the floor/suite #. I thought I was shipping to a residence which is more costly. It would have saved you money had you input the business name in the shipping address so FedEx could have provided a commercial rate. Since I've had to spend time on figuring it out, there is no savings now, only in the future.

Bitchpants!

Is it just me? Am I too sensitive? Does anyone else think that email exchange seemed fairly rude? She was giving me the old 1,2 step and a slap in the face. Well...you could've saved money if you weren't so stupid. My time is soooo important because millions of people are just lining up to buy supplies online and I can't spare a moments time for anything else other than order processing.

Lloyd Dobbler was right.
"I don't want to buy or sell anything processed. I don't want to sell anything processed or bought. I don't want to process anything bought or sold."


He just wanted to hang out with Diane Cort and teach her how to drive stick. What's so wrong with that??

UPDATE: I got a follow up email from the BP:

Gnomie,
It works now that there is a room # and a company name. Had I shipped with the information provided there would have been a $25 surcharge passed along to you because of the inaccuracies & omissions of critical delivery information and there is a bold red statement requiring ALL necessary shipping information on the order page where the ship to address is input.

So you know in the future, FedEx and UPS are now surcharging all shippers when critical delivery information is needlessly withheld from them, and the floor, suite, apartment, company # are all critical pieces of information for locating a recipient who is located in a multi-family or multi unit office building. It just took me 1/2 hour to figure this out and the shippers are apparently frustrated with so many people wasting their time when the information is known to the customers.

So SORRY. I'll go stand in the corner. How many sentences would you like me to write, BP??

Parking=Tears and the Pulling out of Hairs

When I went to school in the lovely valley of Cache, there loomed one ever-present problem on campus. There was never ANY parking. And the school knew it. The parking police racked up enough money from unknowing students and visitors to build a pool on the 4th floor, and there's not even a fourth floor. They racked up so much money that they changed Cache Valley to Cash Valley. They racked up so much money that they were able to build ANOTHER wal-mart.

Anyway. I digress.

They recently built a huge parking structure to suit the growing needs of students and visitors who weren't, in fact, trying to screw the system and just park wherever they wanted - we actually couldn't find spaces and were forced to either stay in our place past the metered time or park in an illegal spot. Which I did ALL the time. I racked up my share of tickets, and I was glad to leave that town when I graduated.

That being said - last week I requested my transcripts be sent to another college for grad school. My Alma-mater sent me an email stating that my transcripts were on hold because of a parking violation. What?

Wait, wait, wait. So...you're telling me I graduated with no problem, no holds or anything...and now I have a parking hold? That seems strange.

So I called up the parking office and the sweet old parking office lady told me I had a ticket from MAY 2005. Two-thousand-freaking-five? How is that even possible? I graduated in December 2005 without any holds. And, by the way, it's nearly 2008. Can't we just let bygones be bygones?? It blows my mind that a ticket can stay on your record for 2 1/2 years without anyone batting an eye. Then just when you think you can call someone up and order transcripts, you have to pay a $25 fine. I couldn't even dispute it because I was in some sort of Parking Shock.

It was awful. It was degrading. As much as I miss Ruby, I'm so so glad I don't have a car anymore. So much hassle. Oh, and thanks be to all those who give me rides, without whom I couldn't take trips to Manassas.

Freshly pressed, but still craving the curly fries

Ever since the end of Rocktober, I've been taking a bloggy break because - seriously. Who blogs that many reviews besides PAID PROFESSIONALS. Oh, don't worry - I am a paid professional, but Blogging isn't really in my job description. Unless you count the fact that I had an LOTR conversation with my boss the other day wherein I referred to myself as Bilbo Bloggins. Not really, but maybe I should get on that.

I really really love the feeling of putting on a fresh, crisp, new white shirt. I think everyone should have an abundance of white shirts in their closet. And they should all fit well and if they get the slightest hint of dinginess - to the TRASH with them! Really, there is nothing worse than a stainy-yellowed once-white shirt. And because I don't understand the concept of bleach (unlike some people), I must discard.

I also just picked up 4 pants from our dry cleaners downstairs. 4 freshly pressed and freshly tailored pairs of pants. I am doing well today. If I hadn't gotten in late to work, I'd say this day is starting out well! But because I arrived to 5 voicemails from my boss asking where I was (boss can be a little clingy sometimes), I'm a little stressed about work. (But clearly not that stressed or I wouldn't be blogging. HA! BURN! Take that Clingy Boss!)

My plan for work today is to see how many different projects I can get started on. I figure if I start promoting myself as the Employee With Initiative, I'm pretty much guaranteed to get a little promotion, right? As much as work sucks sometimes, there are other times when you think - Hey, atleast I don't have it as bad as Teen Heartthrob, assistant manager at Arby's: (this is not Teen Heartthrob)

THIS is TH!!
I think I caught him mid-sentence here. I'm pretty sure he was asking me how it is that I manage to look so beautiful every day and how he wants to buy me new shoes all the time. Feel free, TH. I'm open to the shoes idea.

Although(back too Arby's), on second thought, it would be nice to have all the curly fries you could ever ingest. Mmmmm....curly fries.

Oh holy moly - Amber if you ever read my blog, my roommate and I found a CHECKERS about 5 blocks away from our house. Gnomie vs. Checkers French Fries...it will be a fight to the death.

I hate to say this...

but I am SO over Steve Carrell. Please do something different.

Me and Iggy

French cat burgler and 7th grade Gnomie.
I carried around a TI-82 and a yo-yo all night. I will search for my 7th grade yearbook photo, because I swear to you, minus the boobies - I look exactly the same.

Lists

Because I have recently been in a constant state of confusion, I have a feeling this weekend I will be in need of some serious respite.

Serious.

I'm exhausted. I'm tired of thinking about all the things I need to do and the responsibilities that I'm not living up to. Ever feel like you don't have enough positive encouragement in your life? I just feel like I've been beaten down over the past few months. And it seems like most people around me feel that way, too. What is going on? Does anyone else feel this way? What do you do to get rid of the blahs?

Because I am somewhat of a compulsive list maker, here are some things I usually like to do for distraction purposes, or to organize my life:

1. Watch a good movie, like High Fidelity or Love Actually.
2. Bake bread or cookies.
3. Decorate and beautify my surroundings.
4. Go for a walk.
5. Make a list of grad schools I want to go to, divided into Schools I Can Definately Get Into and Schools in Which I Will Need to Kiss a Large Amount of Arse.
6. Dance to a fun song - currently Eve, Tambourine.
7. Clean and organize my closet.
8. Take a long and unapologetic nap.
9. Retail therapy.
10. Apply for jobs.
11. Write emails to high-powered people and see who responds.
12. Look at pictures of my friends and family.
13. Research something I know nothing about, most recently a Kibuttz.
14. Make a to-do list of things I've already done and feel gratification of crossing off the to-do's.
15. Call someone in my family.
16. Call an old friend.
17. Go see a foreign movie with a friend.
18. Drink a big mug of hot cocoa.
19. Cook an elaborate meal.
20. Dream about getting a dog and what its name will be.

There. 20 things I can do today to feel better. What do you have to add?