White Housing

I have a problem.

I can't seem to keep away from the center of the universe lately. I'm sure you know, by center of the universe I mean The White House.

Because my roommate is awesome and loves me, she continues to invite me to fun White House events. Whereas normally I would shun all this political shoulder-rubbing (esp. with scary carnivorous republicans!), my roommate has shown me the light of appreciating the glamour and excitement of being involved in the DC arena.

Last week, we went on a West Wing tour.
We saw the press briefing room, where Iggy and I discovered that free cheeseburgers are offered to all republican white house staff. This is how they ensure party loyalty. I knew it!
Teen Heartthrob and I took prom pictures in front of the rose garden. In case you can't tell, we are very adept at color coordinating our outfits.
We saw the Eisenhower executive office building, wherein I coveted the black and white tiled marble floors.Teen Heartthrob and I also had a very important meeting to hold, so it was extremely convenient when we happened upon this conference room with comfy chairs. You might think we are just exchanging pleasantries here, but TH actually just sat on a whoopie cushion (the posture gives it away). Jokes are sooo much funnier in the west wing.
Fast forward to yesterday when I attended the arrival of Marine One!
Iggy and I love this new hairspray we bought. It totally holds our hair in place like this all day!
I'm striking a pose, because that is what happens to you when you're at the White House. You might be seeing a lot more of this if I continue hanging out at 1600 Penn. I gotta keep it hawt for G Dub.
Thanks, roommate! I'll see you at at Book Week with Laura!

ISO: one bedpan for senators office

Now that Senator Craig has returned to Capitol Hill, do you think he'll shy away from using the bathrooms? Or do you think he'll just pretend like nothing happened?

Do you think his buddies will be making hand signals under the stall towards him? Or maybe he will just have these installed to make all that hand gesturing a little easier. Nobody wants carpal tunnel syndrome.

I caved

The pencils were sharpened today after a week of silent protest. I think my point really uhh...came across. Yes, I'm sure this will never happen again.

Meanwhile, my resume looks so beautiful. Minus all the tears of joy shed onto the paper, it is basically perfect. Although, the tears could be mistaken for sweat and toil, which demonstrates how hard-working I am.

For posterity's sake!

OVer Labor Day weekend, I was fortunate enough to visit the family in Charlottesville. We had a blast, and even got some good QT with the baby. Love you guys, let's go camping soon! For those who are not fortunate enough to live nearby, these pictures are for you.

Taking back Gnomie

There are those times in your life when you think all is lost. You are a hopeless college graduate, a career failure, incapable of maintaining lasting and meaningful relationships, and forget about that dream about ever having a puppy because you are too weak willed to care for it.

Then there are the times when you see through the murkiness of the situation and everything begins to fall into place.

This is the moment when you start to take back your life.

Things to realize:
1. I am not stuck in my job. If I hate it, I will pursue other options. Big deal.
2. I am smart, dammit. First of all, I'm totally gifted and talented. Don't forget about the time I made a papier-mache mummy in my egyptology class! I also went to 3rd grade reading when I was in 2nd grade. I even wrote the best paper in my anthropological theories class senior year of college!
3. I can be in a relationship, and maybe even have it last longer than 2 months! As long as I'm getting my dinners and movies paid for, I'll be in a relationship with anyone.
4. Puppies are overrated. They poop on the floor, they cry all night long, they won't allow you to leave for vacations without them. You'll get one when you move out of the city.

Goals to set:
1. Start running. Yesterday I embarked upon a goal to run 10 days in a row. That is so easy. That is so attainable. When the 10 days are up, I will decide what to do. I'm not committed to this long term, I tell myself. Just 10 days.
2. Study for the GRE, because you are taking it in a month. I signed up for it about 3 weeks ago because I knew it would just be something I talked about if I didn't just bite the bullet.
3. Compile a list of graduate schools and programs and professors with whom I would like to complete research. This, I've already begun to do. I am going to write some professors next week to beg them to let me do whatever it takes to get on their good side, so I can be funded for my masters at their university. Please keep fingers crossed for me.
4. Know an amazing person who totally hooks you up all the time with job opportunities, networking contacts, and gives you a real massage every night because you've had such a hard day what with all your goal setting, running and blogging efforts.
5. Get pictures of puppies and put them on your fridge.


You know, sometimes in life you just have to scream out: I'm the BEST G.D. DANCER IN THE AMERICAN BALLET ACADEMY, WHO THE HELL ARE YOU? Nobody.

September is great, but...(with updates!)

I'd rather have Rocktober.

Check out my calendar so far:

10/1 - Carol Bui
10/2 - Rocky Votolato
10/9 - Josh Ritter
10/11 - Yonder Mountain String Band
10/15 - Cat Power
10/18 - The New Amsterdams
10/19 - Eisley
10/20 - Stars
10/21 - Rodrigo y Gabriela
10/26 - Damon and Naomi
10/27 - She Wants Revenge
10/28 - The Annuals

And these are just the shows that I am definately buying tickets to. Who knows what other shows might pop up?? (OK, I seriously might have to cut down, but how?!)

ROCKTOBER!!!

This picture terrifies me

IMG_1736
Originally uploaded by Nemesis 79

When did we start closing our ports and lands from seafaring people? What if someone is lost-at-sea or is trying to swim across the sea and needs to make it back to land, but can't reach land because of these barriers? And does this mean that people shouldn't be able to lay claim to ocean waters? How far down do ocean water claims go? At what sea level are you trespassing?

I'm so confused.

My job is super cool

I just received these on my desk.

Friday Funnies

As the days pass and bring us closer to the weekends, I'd like to propose weekly celebrations by the institution of Friday Funnies. Fridays are awesome. I get free breakfasts, get to wear my jeans to work, and make weekend plans filled with candy, movies, and caviar dreams.

Today's video is brought to you in conjunction with one of my favorite television show growing up (right there with The Cosby Show and Small Wonder), The Wonder Years.

This is one of my favorite scenes from the series. Maybe because I'm just a little choir nerd at heart. Or maybe it's my insatiable desire for pre-pubescent/adolescent humor. Either way, please enjoy. Oh and enjoy the special cameo made by the man himself, Screech Powers.

To my brothers and sisters

I'm SORRY I swore at you so robustly last night in my dream. But you should know that you shouldn't eat your sisters entire batch of banana pancakes without asking! Geez...have a little courtesy.

But then again, I can't fault you for wanting to eat my delicious buttermilk banana pancakes. They are quite good.


Buttermilk Bananacakes

2 c. flour
2 TBSP sugar
1 tsp baking soda
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt

Mix together and add:

2 eggs
2 c buttermilk
1/2 c milk

Stir, just until moistened. Let sit for about 5 minutes.

Cut up 2-3 bananas into nickle sized slices.

Pour pancake in griddle to your desired size. After about 10 seconds, add slices of banana, enough to cover the pancake. Watch for air bubbles popping, flip and cook for another 30 seconds.

Spread with butter, jam, or fresh maple syrup and enjoy!

A real mountain man can do the foxtrot

I've really never watched Dancing With the Stars.

I find the entire show completely contrived in a very C-list celebrity style. Of course, only the demonic networks can both appease themselves and out-of-work washed up has-beens. It's pathetic and, with the exception of tuning into the Heather Mills Leg spectacle, I haven't watched a single episode.

However, I feel all that is about to change. For the upcoming season, they have cast both Marie Osmond and Jane Seymour!! Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman and "Valley of the Dolls" Osmond!


I will now be tuning in, in hopes that Marie will partner up with a china doll to the Cha-Cha or that one day, please God please - my boyfriend, Sully will show up to sweep Dr. Quinn off her feet and they will waltz away in the prarie, their fires of passion burning for each other like a consumptive fever. I cannot wait!

Seriously, when I used to skip out on awesome Saturday Night Fun to watch Dr. Quinn with my mom, I was only doing it because my boyfriend needed my support. You would do the same if they had episode after episode of Sully getting hurt out in the wilderness and being forced to go to Dr. Quinn's office to take his shirt off so the doctora can check out his abs. I mean wounds. Wounds.

And it's totally ok, me and Dr. Quinn have an understanding. She patches him up and gives Sully closed mouth kisses on TV, I take care of the rest of Sully at home.

Lars

At first I thought the trailer for Lars and the Real Girl was about me and my old college roommate, Lars. After watching it, however, and discovering the presence of Ryan Gosling not to mention his co-star - A Mannequin, this movie looks quite good.

To everything there is a season

As I was running through my neighborhood last night, I couldn't help but think: I cannot wait for autumn! Now the funny thing is (and I'm sure you could discover this by reading my blog history), toward the end of every season I am always dying for the next one to arrive.

Spring: I'm so sick of all the rain and summer teasers. Let it be hot already! Vacation!
Summer: It's so bloody hot, I swear I could melt on this very sidewalk. Give me some cool autumn breeze.
Autumn: Enough of all these nasty leaves all over the ground and the rain. I want some holiday snow!
Winter: Holidays are over, February is the worst, if somebody doesn't warm things up around here I am moving to India.

As I was musing over the fact that I wish I could just go to the places of the world where the weather is always pleasant (what am I - like 80 years old?), I realized that we have seasons for a very good reason. I'm sure most people really desire change in their lives. Most people choose a place to live and permanently settle in this area. They move into a home, send their children to a good school, and get comfortable in their lifestyle. If the weather was always 75 and sunny with a light breeze, you would want to go somewhere else to experience a little climate change, right? I think that is why seasons are so brilliant. You are able to feel like you live somewhere different in a snow covered world compared to the swealtering summer heat.

Plus, seasons help create a feeling of nostalgia. When it is cold, I always want to cuddle up inside with hot chocolate and watch old Cary Grant movies. When it is hot, I want to be lazy or play in the lake and eat slurpees. There is always a drink involved in my nostalgic memories. I guess autumn is tea or chai and spring would have to be juice. There you have it.

But seriously, South America for the winters and Alaska for the summers! Who's with me?

A conversation

Yesterday I was talking with one of my Virginia friends about travel in North America. Here's how the conversation went:

Nomadic Gnome: What is the furthest north you've ever been?
Friend: Toronto
NG: What is the furthest east you've ever been?
Friend: umm...Seattle.
{awkward silence}
NG: Uhh...
{more awkward silence}
Friend: Oh! Yeah...um New York.

Geez. I need a vacation.

Falling

One of my favorite memories while living in Logan was all the icy sidewalks and the falls that took place as a result of these icy pitfalls. In the morning, people are always walking briskly in an effort to make it to class in time. Sometimes, that briskness turns on them.

One minute you are cruising without thought, clutching your backpack straps, looking at your watch to make sure you are making good time, and trying not to focus on the cold air that is cutting your throat with every inhaled breath. Next thing you know, you hit a patch of ice, hands fly in the air, books fly out your hands, hair is tossed around and there is not enough time to grab onto anything. There you are on the ground, embarrassed and just trying to laugh it off. Now try getting up. You can't. You slip. Everyone around you is snickering. You see one girl with medium length brown hair wearing a Virginia is for Lovers letter mans jacket. She is laughing her ass off. Yep, that's me. I have no heart. I am a cruel mistress of the icy tundra. I laugh at icy follies. It's what I do.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, or if you think I'm a jerk, I propose you watch the following video.
A different kind of fall, though equal in humor, is a 4th of July parade fall on stilts. Stilts falls are in their own category of funny.
Just watch the first 10-15 seconds.

If you think that is funny, watch this:
Not the best clarity, but you get the idea. When people fall, it is hilarious.

Enchanting Weekend

Question: Where can you go to marvel at clay houses, eat spicy chocolate and die a long drawn hot death from heat exhaustion?
Answer: New Mexico, baby.

Mark and I went to the great southwest this past weekend and other than suffering from several heat strokes, it was quite enjoyable.

We started off in Albuquerque, drove up to Santa Fe through the charming little town of Jemez Springs and near the once super top secret government town of Los Alamos. After a quick visit to Santa Fe, it started raining crocodile tear sized rain drops, so we quickly hopped in our kick ass rental Kia and drove back to Albuquerque. Some of things we saw along the way:



What we did for the remainder of the weekend: Contra Dancing, Diner eating, Thrift Shopping, Cat Petting, Eating Mexican Food, etc.

Food: Apparently, the New Mexican question is "Red or Green"? This is referring to the type of chile pepper. I chose green and never looked back. Sopapillas with honey, delicious spicy chocolate, jam empanadas. Oh. My. Gosh. I gained like 10 pounds this weekend.

We also went to the Very Large Array in central New Mexico. Satellites every where, I think there were 27 total. It was very 1950's sci-fi futuristic, except we were there experiencing it, in the future.

Deal of a lifetime

I went on the best vacation of my life this past weekend. It was the best vacation because while I may have spent loads of money on my plane ticket, food, gifts, rental car, etc., it was completely reimbursed in my purchase of these shoes.

While they are listed for $450, I got them Brand New for $40 + tax. I bought them in white. They are beautiful. I am totally a label whore now, but you should see the way women look at my feet. They know. Atleast, they think they know. I would never spend such a ridiculous amount of money on sandals, let alone any pair of shoes ever. But they don't need to know that...

The Valley of the Dolls

How creepy is this?

Weekend in Washington

As promised, here is a quick review of this past weekend, my first full weekend staying at the new digs in DC.
Friday went shopping with Holly in Chinatown. We went back to the apartment, all ready to go out...but got a little sidetracked.


We had so much fun dying Iggy's hair, we decided to do it TWICE in one night. We are seriously awesome.

I made the absolute worst banana bread of my life. It was burnt on top, not cooked in the middle, and the top of the bread caved in. I was so ashamed, but no worries, I will try my hand at the culinary arts later. We picked apart the edible parts of the bread and crashed in our respective beds.

Saturday morning I woke up bright and early to a beautiful, hardly humid, breezy day! My roommate and I had decided to go to the Kenilworth Aquatic Gardens. The lotus blossoms are only going for another week or so, so we definately wanted to scoot over there. The blossoms only open in the morning when it is still relatively cool outside. We spent about 2 hours there and it was amazing!!

Lotus blossom pods
Blossom
Field of Lotus Blossoms

We went to Eastern Market for brunch, which I forgot to take any pictures, I was too busy scarfing down my savory crepe filled with tomatoes, onions, basil, and gruyere cheese. I only stayed for about an hour because I had to meet my mom across town to go see a matinee performance of The Phantom of the Opera at the Kennedy Center. It was amazing. I cried. I laughed. I nearly slapped the girl next to me who was singing along for some parts. I had never seen it before, and it was a breathtaking performance!

After the show, we went to Rosa Mexicana, a fancy Mexican restaurant where they make fresh guacamole at your table, with the requested amount of heat. I got a jicama salad with pomegranete vinegrette dressing and crab empanadas with mango dressing. I recommend this place to you DC foodies. We were able to sit outside in the shade and it was still a perfect breezy evening.

After all the afternoon madness, I rushed home to meet up with my roommates and go to Adams Morgan for our favorites...the Washington Carver at Tryst! The most delicious chocolate peanut butter shake you'll ever have.

After we were bursting with chocolate-y goodness, we walked over to The Black Cat, where The White Rabbits were playing. They are amazing and they put on such a good show. I had a hard time not dancing. So...I spent the majority of the night doing just that. The other part of the night was spent kickin it with the band...or atleast pretending to!
Greg from The White Rabbits

I sunk into a very deep sleep that night, but woke up in time to go to church, renew our sentiments for the Washington Carver, and take a decent 3 hour nap. Oh, and go to a send off party for our friend, Chris, who was accepted to the Religious Studies program at USU. Congrats Chris! I'm so excited for you to live in one of my favorite little mormon valleys!

What an exhausting weekend! And things don't really seem to be slowing down either. I love living here.

preview

This weekend was Off Da Chain.

I have to wait till tomorrow to upload pictures because I'm indecently unprepared for this Blogging Shit, but totally for reals stop by tomorrow. You'll be glad you did. Till then, feel free to kick it with my new homies, The White Rabbits. They are seriously good and will totally make you dance, even if you hate dancing. I didn't get to go backstage with them like SOME PEOPLE, but I did get my CD autographed, which I appreciate very much.

Dreams of hatred

There are 2 kinds of people in this world.

Those who remember and analyze their dreams and those who Just. Don't. Care.

I totally care and analyze the living goodness out of all my lucid and non lucid dream experiences. When I was younger I had an unhealthy obsession with it, which probably directly influenced my younger sister into also becoming a Dream Freak. I can say this with confidence because I bought her a Dream Book. It has topics and categories of different dreams and even a Dream Notebook, in which to record all your dreams as soon as you wake up. Because folks, if you don't write it down when you wake up chances are you will quickly forget. I used to try and steal my sisters Dream Notebook in order to find out what a huge psychopath she was, and how much she also felt repressed in our home. Anyway, every time I go back home, I manage to find this book and research all my latest dreams in order to discover what a psychopath I am becoming.

Last night I had a dream about moving. I packed up a huge moving truck with all my belongings and left it, locked up, in front of my house. There were rumors of Moving Truck Thieves running around my dream neighborhood. I didn't listen though, and to my great astonishment I looked out my window to see 2 guys hitching my moving truck to their truck. I ran outside, cursing at them. I can honestly tell you that I have never said the F Word so many times in a repeated fashion in my life. Unless you count the time I missed my flight to Peru because I completely overslept. But that is a completely different story that involves Bears, Crepes and Front Porch Couch Make outs. We won't discuss that here.

Anyway I woke up, mid swearing and mid chasing the bad guys, to my alarm thinking - Screw. That. I've got a dream to finish!! I went back to sleep and was fashionably late for work this morning.

So forget about my tardiness. The important thing here is that I am noticing a trend in my dreams lately. This is not the first time I've had a bout of the Dream Swears. I swear like a little sailor. Like a Sailor in a Guy Ritchie movie. It's becoming a problem, due to the fact that I wake up wanting to swear at everyone in my way. Not a good way to make friends in town.

I will, however, tell you what IS a good way to make friends in town. Carry around a plate of cupcakes. You will get so many smiles and Ooooo's and Mmmm's. Seriously, just give it a try.

So, I am interested to know - what are some of your reoccurring dream patterns?

More Cabbage

Because I know you all went directly to your kitchen after reading my Curried Colcannon recipe and sweated heavily over the stove whilst whipping up dinner, I also know that you might have leftover cabbage from this venture. What can you do with cabbage anyway? {Besides hang it from a string and let the cats bat at it, of course.}

I want to share another cabbage recipe to ease your troubled minds.
And the name by which this meal shall be known on this earth is:

Asian Cabbage Slaw

Salad for two:

Ingredients:
Salad:
1/4 head Shredded Cabbage
Diced Apple
1 c. Mixed greens/herbs
Toasted almonds

Dressing:
1/4 c. Rice Vinegar
1 TB Toasted Sesame Oil
1 tsp Sugar
dash of soy sauce

Toss the ingredients of the salad together in a medium bowl. Whisk together the vinegar, oil and sugar. Chill for 5 minutes.

An absolutely fresh and deliciously crunchy summer salad! Play around with the ingredients until you get the taste you like. I think I'll make it again tonight, this time with oranges!

The best part about this week is that now I'm not afraid of eating cabbage anymore. It's so easy to cook with!

Connected

Sometimes I seriously, seriously freak myself out. I know I am always saying I have superpowers and insisting that I can control life on earth with these superpowers, but this time, I'm not joking around. My superpower has to do with mind control. And not just mind control, but syncing all the minds of those around me in order to get what I need at that exact moment.

Please allow me to explain.

I was sitting at my desk, feeling the 3 o clock munchies attack coming on. Suddenly, I had an overwhelming sensation that I needed chocolate. And I'm not one of those crazy chocoholic women or anything. But I knew that I needed it right then and there.

About 2 minutes later, my coworker came over and sighed heavily and gave me the I'm Tired and Cranky look. I was like - I know what you need. You need some chocolate. And she was like YES I DO! She then proceeded to tell me that about 2 minutes before coming to my desk she had this intense craving for chocolate and even had the taste in her mouth! Crazy. So as we are talking about this chocolate craze, another coworker hears us and comes running over with a HUGE SNICKERS BAR!!

She told us how she had pulled out a king sized snickers bar not even a minute before we started talking and just stared at it, thinking "how am I going to eat all of this" and then she heard us bitching about needing the chocolate fix.

So we all went to the kitchen to split our prized hunt into three equal parts. We stood silently on the linoleum floor as we inhaled the nougatey goodness before any crumbs even had a chance to fall on the floor. It was pure divinity.

Oh my word, how can you not believe I have superpowers in mind control after a life changing experience like this one? Please. I'm pretty sure that everything in my life that I have done has all been leading up to this very day and to this particular experience. Now that I've realized this gift, what should I do with these powers?

Tagged again.

4 Jobs I have had:-
1. Fire fighter pimp
2. Museum exhibit designer
3. Pots and pans salesperson (seriously. I carried around a suitcase and made
presentations like on late night infomercials.)
4. Waitress at Tucci's!

4 Movies I could watch over and over:-
1. High Fidelity.
2. Jeremiah Johnson
3. Waiting for Guffman
4. The Sound of Music

4 Places I have lived:-
1. Manassas, Virginia
2. Logan, Utah
3. Fairbanks, Alaska
4. Capitol Hill, DC

4 of my favorite foods:-
1. Punjabi chole
2. 18th street pizza
3. General Tso’s tofu from Sunflower
4. fresh berries

4 Favorite TV shows:-
1. Good Eats with Alton Brown
2. Grey’s Anatomy
3. The Colbert Report
4. The Office

4 Places I would rather be right now:-
1. Hiking the Appalachian Trail
2. At the Kenilworth Gardens to see the lotus flower blooms
3. In a large room with a piano
4. Walking through the plaza de armas in Arequipa, Peru

Curried Colcannon

I have been wanting to start posting some of my culinary feats for awhile now. Unfortunately, there haven't been many. However, last night I stumbled upon something simple and spectacular.

I am calling it Curried Colcannon.

It's essentially Irish Colcannon, with a dash of garam masala in place of salt and pepper.

Ingredients:
2 Potatoes
1/2 cup Cabbage
1/2 small Onion
1 TB Butter
1/2 tsp. Garam Masala
salt to taste

1. Cut up potatoes and place in pot of boiling water for 7-10 minutes, or until tender.
2. Add cabbage and onion {I sliced both into portions about 2 inches long} to boiling water. Let cook for about 5 minutes.
3. Drain well.
4. Mash together, while adding butter, salt and garam masala to taste.

It was so easy to make and it is also low in fat and calories. A little starchy, but perfect for a good comfort dinner! It was seriously so so yummy! I can see this becoming a winter staple in my kitchen.

The August Diet

I don't have any money. Or not nearly as much as I would like. *Cue the violin*

I mean, what's the point in being so drop dead sexy if you are not rich? I have to cover these gorgeous feet with expensive shoes! I need that new wool winter coat with the darling buttons, even if it is 97 degrees outside! I need to be surrounded by beautiful things and eat healthy, organic, foods that cost atleast $12 a pound!

After musing over these thoughts all day yesterday I came to a conclusion. I am the worst kind of consumer. I am a Consumer in Denial. I didn't realize how much I have been spending and wanting and thinking about silly things to buy all the time, until I saw this video.

And so, I am putting myself on an August Diet. No purchases of frivolity for the entire month. No shoes, no clothes, no trinkets for my desk, no new frames to hang on my walls, no candles, no expensive restaurants, no movies, no NOTHING! If I'm going to save for South America, I need to start somewhere. Mark my words, I will not purchase anything for the remaining 25 days {barring any unforeseen circumstances and/or trips out of town where I might have to splurge a tiny bit}.

It's AUGUST DIET!!!

Face it, you suck.

Have you ever been making out and are having a super great time until you realize OH SCHNIT, I TOTALLY HAVE A HICKEY!!!

Well, I haven't either.

I don't really understand the nature of a hickey or how it comes to pass. I mean, I understand how its given and received. However, I have a hard time believing that after experiencing it once or twice, that it continues to be a constant presence in ones life. In high school, there was this couple that used to be covered in hickeys. And I mean covered. The girl would always wear low-cut clothing and lots of necklaces to maybe distract from the hickeys? It was seriously gross.

Cut to 5 years later.

While I have never received a hickey, I have been the fortunate bestower of the hickey ***THIS WAS 2 YEARS AGO***(much to the chagrin of other party). Before you go pointing fingers and forcing me to wear a large red A on my chest, I want you to understand something. It was really, really, really funny. Call me a whoremonger, but giving a hickey was one of the funniest things I've ever done to anyone. After an innocent sleepover, I woke up the next morning to the violent swearing of Other Party.

Me: {bleary eyed and in a panic}Oh my gosh, what's wrong?
Other Party: My f***ing neck! My neck! {points to red bruises on neck}
Me: What the hell is that? Are you allergic to something?
OP: You! I'm allergic to you! This is from you!
Me: {Still confused as to what it is, having never actually given or received hickey before} What?
OP: {points to neck}Hickeys!
Me: Oh. {sheepishly throws covers over head and begins to laugh as OP runs around looking for a shirt to cover up "bruises"}

We go to the kitchen to have breakfast and his roommates enter. They immediately ask him what happened to his neck and OP just points at me. Bam. Doesn't even try to make excuses. So for the remainder of that day, I was known as Hoover.

The moral of this story is that I learned what to do to avoid giving hickeys. So, gross people of the world, why can't you do the same? And if you can't, invest in some freaking turtlenecks, for goodness sake. Have some dignity!

What have I been doing the past week?

The sibs
The boys
2/3 the Charlottesville Clan
The Idaho Clan
The Utah clan
Brooklyn and Mary
Mom Face
Lizzy and Mike
Laura and Jen being Laura and Jen
The result of that picture
Getting Abby ready for the horse ride
Cousin Sabrina and darling Abby
Me and Abby going to see the horses
Tanner and Abby demonstrating how to eat crabs
The family at Aunt Diana's and Uncle Tom's
Abby and Brooklyn
Brooklyn in her cutest outfit
Tanner and Abby tickle the ivories
Lizzy and Brooklyn in front of the Library of Congress
I've had the best time with my family!! Thanks everyone for coming out and letting me play with the babies and have fun rounds of Shanghai Rummy! I miss everyone so much!

Sometimes it helps being a somewhat youthful, mildly attractive woman

I've had a UPS package to send out for about a week and have been putting it off for personal reasons (I have a severe case of Procrastination. Don't worry it's not contagious, but you probably already have it anyway). So today I brought the package to work. Only to find out that 2 days ago we decided to stop having a UPS pickup here. We have switched to a Fed-ex monopoly sitution, which I think is a horribly inefficient idea (hello! FED-EX won't ship to PO Boxes. Whatever.).

So I decided to do the only thing I could do. I would venture out into the hundred degree weather with my box. Today I decided to wear a really cute white skirt with black flowers and a black (very tight) tshirt. Sometimes, especially in the sun, this tshirt is somewhat see through. I know, not the kind of thing you want to wear to work, but I couldn't find any clothes after the move. This was the best I could come up with for a Wednesday. Oh did I mention I just got a new pair of shoes that I love?! I wore those today, too.

I'm walking down the street, holding my box, swinging my birthing hips, my toenail polish glimmering in the sunlight. Keep in mind I have no idea where I'm going. Just kind of walking around looking for a UPS store. Very ignorant of me, I know. I walk no further than 2 blocks when I see it. A heaven sent gift from straight above, a big fat brown UPS truck! A UPS man in brown was chucking boxes around in the back of the truck and I realized I had a decision to make.

Usually, I wouldn't want to interrupt the Man Hard at Work. But usually, I'm not as attractive as I was today.

I timidly walked over to the truck and asked him if I could give him my package.

He then retorted "Only if I can give you mine".

Kidding.

But I'm sure that's what he was thinking. I mean, NEW SHOES, guys! It does things to you. Maybe this is why I have my addiction to shoes. They give me superpowers, like being able to interrupt people wearing brown uniforms. That is a quality super power, if you ask me.